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“One day soon, you will all know what I have been shown and be blown away. You will see. Oh my gosh, you just wait! You guys don’t even know the half of it yet!”

As I listened, incredulous, I wondered how someone could be so…so…what’s the word? Egoic.

A swarm of confusion descended upon me, chased by a queasy, tingly warmth that rose from my belly to my throat. I didn’t know what to say, and the more he went on, the more uncomfortable I became. He was talking about his ability to communicate directly with his guides at the highest vibrational frequency, and he had developed his own special mystical insights that were unique to him.

It felt a bit uncomfortable as if he was implying that there was something special about him, that he was different from everyone else. He probably didn’t realize how he may be coming across. Because I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t. I smiled sweetly, listened, nodded, and then—after too many four-letter words had scrambled through my head—I walked away from the conversation.

I had a 20-minute ride home, during which I took deep breaths and tried to ground myself. The only thing that felt clear and straight to me were the lines on the freeway in front of me. At different times, I wanted to shut down and say nothing. At other times, I wanted to put my foot down and clearly communicate some super tough love specialness boundaries.

After letting the conversation percolate for a few days, I called one of my dearest friends, not to gossip or vent but to brainstorm and get out of my funk. I met Sarah in 2015. We bonded over angel guidance, tuning into our intuition, and, as her son would say, attending boring classes together. She reinspired me to study a book that had ebbed in and out of my life for years: A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Countless copies of ACIM have found their way to my bookshelf, and I always pass them along to friends, clients, and family. It’s just so good!

ACIM has many lessons, including the idea of “specialness.” In the course, this concept is explained as an ego-driven illusion that reinforces separation from others and God. Our ego can lead us to this false sense of being special, making us think this will make us happy, but it only brings isolation and competition.

This is what haunted me from my conversation; I was left to feel this icky resonance of separate and less than. I knew I needed to shift back to love through perspective. In discussing the situation, I was able to shift to unity consciousness. We are all one, and we are all equal. Even as I hear the specialness bell ringing louder and clearer every day, I’m not excused from it.

When I began studying Energy Medicine 20-plus years ago, it was not as mainstream. I would be in an everyday situation and suddenly see energy or angelic beings nobody else could see. I thought it was unique, yet also a bit unnerving at first. There was, I suppose, some specialness to that. I worked on cruise ships, and I would go to Catalina Island every once in a while to visit a psychic mentor. Co-workers would question why I wouldn’t join their daytime outings, but I kept what I was doing a secret. I only ever told my good friend, Rach; one person who I felt safe confiding in.

I also have fallen into this illusion trap in my personal life: resentment when others get the work promotions I thought I deserved and just plain egotistic squabbling. I was arguing with my son about syrup on the counter just this morning. The sweet, smelly stuff was stuck to my skin, but he kept insisting that it was just water. Yet there I was, caught up in needing to be right. It’s important to be aware of how this illusion increasingly plays itself out in esoteric circles. There are endless varieties of practices, rituals, and niches, and it’s easy to fall into a trap of superiority: “We have the secrets, they don’t.”

We are all, in fact, on one shared journey, each discovering the same universal principles, whether we are cognizant of the fact or not. I’m not suggesting that being unique is bad, but it’s essential to be mindful of the issues that can arise when a sense of superiority develops.

The following are three ways spiritual leaders can get caught up in the illusion of being “special” and how to move through it into more love and oneness.

1. Spiritual Superiority and Elitism

A long-time energy practitioner recently taught an afternoon class on shifting energy through the body for lasting healing. At the end, one attendee, who had been quite moved by the experience, asked whether anyone could learn to do what she had been doing. “Absolutely not!” she replied with a smile and a dismissive guffaw. She went on to explain how only people with certain intuitive gifts can be properly trained, and even then, it takes a long time to learn this level of comprehension.

While I understand and fully support the mastery of learning before leading, I was disappointed the response wasn’t more inspiring and expansive. The truth is anyone could learn what she was teaching. Would it take time? Yes. But could anyone learn? Absolutely! Her response was spoken through a veiled ego. Our practices don’t make us more enlightened or better than anyone else. Loving leadership is about being in unity consciousness and recognizing oneness with all that is.

An anti-specialness suggestion: Open our hearts to shared humanity—recognise ourselves in others, connect at a deeper level. Support, not from a position of authority but from the realisation of our mutuality.

2. Past-Life Pride and Dimensional Dominance

I worked with a man, many moons ago, who told me that he had been Jesus in a past life. His fixation on identity began to manifest in some unhealthy choices, erratic decisions, and the development of a particular hierarchy that inevitably began to isolate him from others. I would have continued the work if his life had been growing in vitality, joy, and success. However, his focus on this specialness prevented him from moving forward, so I referred him to someone I thought would be better suited.

I do believe in past lives, parallel universes, and other time-space dimension portals. But we can easily get stuck into the details of a story or what our guides are telling us, which can stall our growth. Sessions like past life regression and soul retrieval can give us some valuable insights for healing, but if we become obsessed with the details rather than simply process, we can stagnate.

An anti-specialness suggestion: Receiving past life, parallel life, or otherworldly information with a light touch can help us embrace the gist of what’s insinuated but avoid becoming embroiled in the story. The Universal Law of Attraction says that what we focus on grows. We can bring awareness and focus on using the information for healing and evolution. Staying grounded in the now allows us to integrate these insights without getting trapped in the past, keeping our focus on what truly serves our higher good.

3. Arrogance of Ascension

I share a weekly message called “Frequency & Flow Friday” to help others raise their frequency so that they can live in a higher vibrational state. I’ll be the first to tell you my vibration is not better than anyone else’s. My mess is my message—I also use the messages to help me.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from someone who missed my former “Angel Message Monday” emails and asked if I’d ever go back. Her reasoning was her frequency didn’t need to be “helped” as she was already living at a high vibrational frequency all the time. We actually had a wonderful conversation around the idea of superior frequency, and we were able to come up with a way for her to activate the content in a way that felt good to her.

This message highlighted a recurring belief I see pop up: the idea some of us ascend higher or are more advanced. This is another form of unhealthy hierarchy, where those perceiving a superior state are seen as more enlightened and monk-like. This is an unhealthy perspective that can foster more division versus unity.

An anti-specialness suggestion: As David Hawkins explains in Power vs Force, each time we raise our vibrational frequency, we offset or counterbalance lower vibrations in the collective. Why not set such an intention each day to contribute to this collective elevation? This will place us more consciously in a deeper awareness of unity.

There are many ways the specialness script can play out, and there’s little we can do but try to keep ourselves and our community oriented toward more peace, love, inclusion, and mutual support. I would love to hear from you and learn if you notice this, where and how, and maybe we can form other ideas to transcend the need for competition and specialness.

With hope, more of us come into a true state of oneness.

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