I want to boil down a combo of wisdom from various religions, spiritual traditions, wisdom traditions…great poets…and sweet caring mentors and friends of mine…all combined with something personal, direct, heartfelt, and perhaps even a little spontaneous (I love you, Kelsey).

So here’s what I’m working with: my writings in my first book, Things I would like to do with You, as well as my writings off the top of my head and heart.

Unlimited Friendliness, the Buddhist Wedding Poem.

Trungpa Rinpoche’s advice on weddings, from a Buddhist or Shambhala point of view.

Many wonderful poems for inspiration and wisdom, including: “…two-celled heart beating, with one full stroke, Life.” ~ Tennyson

Okay, here goes, a rough draft at least:

“I would like you to know that I am so grateful for my 50 years without you, searching for you, longing for you, dreaming of you, and growing into myself, the man you love. I was tired. And now we have met, and I am no longer merely me, I am we, I love you.

I am ready to kiss the heart of a woman brave enough to feel fear and give voice to it. In voicing our fears we introduce oxygen and in so doing give our fires life. And yet I shall fondly look back at those times of loneliness, for they delivered me to you. And as Rilke said of partnership in love,

“It is a question in marriage, not of tearing down and destroying all boundaries, but rather a good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of their solitude, and shows the other this [greatest] confidence. A [rigid] togetherness between two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is [too often] a narrowing, a reciprocal agreement which robs either one party or both of their fullest freedom and development.

But, once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole and against a wide sky!”

May our relationship teach us.

May we aim to awaken, instead of merely defending our confusion.

May our intention in love be to benefit all, and not merely to get what we want.

May our love life be gentle and honest, even when it can not be fun, or happy. True love is borne in correct intention.

I don’t want my idea of you. That’s too easy, and it isn’t real. I want you, faults and all.

And I want you to want me, faults and all, not any ideas you have about love.

Genuine love is friendship.

Genuine love resides only in the present moment.

Genuine love is everyday. Genuine love feels no need to entertain the space away.

Genuine love is up, genuine love is down and yet genuine love never wavers.

⁠I would like to care more about you than about my feelings for you.⁠

I would like to go to sleep each night by thanking you for being with me,

And wake each morning pleasantly surprised to find you are in my life,

I would like to feel admiration for the littlest things you do, and how,

and how you look me in the eyes, openly, with affection, sparkling but strong.

Forever is not important to me, but this life, together with you, is.

Life is hard and sharp and it hurts, but you wear it lightly, and mindfully, and with class, and are frank yet wise yet light, and if our recipe is right our household shall be one of the hardy and cheerful ones.

Life is often lonely and sad and unfair, but if we are lucky we shall work hard and earn our luck, and when we are hit broadside we shall return fire as we sail away with the wind at our backs, and trouble will find it is bored with us.

I promise to devote my life to you
Here is my proof:
[I touch my heart] I have touched your heart
and you mine
and we have found that foundation, that bedrock, Buddha nature, the Earth that nurtures this bodhi seed of love.
Through energetic and healing communication, listening, humor, passion, space, friendship, loyalty,
and yes love
we shall grow a forest together that shall flourish the four seasons over.

For as long as these four things, as symbolized on my 120-year-old Claddagh ring: love, friendship, loyalty, and space

…hold their place in our hearts, our bond shall remain sweet, tender, strong, playful.

I vow to love you with all of my red heart. I vow to be your best friend, in laughter and in teamwork.

I vow to by loyal to you in conversation, as well as apologies, and repair.

I vow to enjoy the play of passionate, lonely, delightful space between our two hearts.

I vow to be the husband you deserve in this life, to devote my heart and our love to the benefit of all beings, not sure ourselves, and to this planet our children shall call home.