*Editor’s Note: Elephant is not your doctor or hospital. Our lawyers would say “this web site is not designed to, and should not be construed to provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, or treatment to you or any other individual, and is not intended as a substitute for medical or professional care and treatment. Always consult a health professional before trying out new home therapies or changing your diet.” But we can’t afford lawyers, and you knew all that. ~ Ed

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2024 has been an interesting year. A year that for many has tested them like never before.

Year of the Wood Dragon, which can be a time of great prosperity but also a time of being pushed out of comfort zones. Being pushed out of jobs, relationships, homes, spaces that no longer serve us. Spaces we no longer fit in. Spaces we were never meant to stay in. Pushed to make change. Pursue our purpose. Follow our soul.

2024 has been a year to awaken. Learn. Grow. And if you listened really carefully, you would have heard the lessons the universe was trying to teach.

It’s been a monumental year, and these are my learnings and reflections:

1. When you don’t listen and take heed of the signs, they get louder. They get more uncomfortable. You get pushed and pushed, until staying is not an option. Until staying is scarier than leaving. Sometimes we need to garner the courage and jump.

2. We learnt absolutely nothing from the Covid f*ckery. The world slowed down for a reason and instead of embracing that, learning from it, and implementing permanent changes, we went straight back to the chaos. We jumped straight back into putting money above people. We dove straight back into the maddening pace and needing instant gratification. The shutdown from COVID-19 was meant to be a time of reflection and recognising what’s truly important. A couple of years on, far too many value all the wrong things and have fallen back into old, unhealthy patterns.

3. Greed is a poisonous mist sprayed into the atmosphere every day. People working in jobs that have seen them become versions of themselves that are less than admirable. Money, power, status are strived for, when ultimately they don’t fill us, but rather they leave us chasing more. Greedy people are miserable people because they are never ever satisfied. Imagine if those adding value to the world by saving lives, caring for the elderly and disabled, teaching the next generation, supporting those struggling with poor mental health were financially rewarded like those in the corporate world? When we reward greed, we continue the toxicity and we damage the world that little bit more.

4. Some men will never see women as equal, no matter how much we advocate for ourselves. They will forever try to belittle, control, manipulate. Blaming women for all their woes. Wanting to reduce our rights and freedoms. Treating us as property rather than actual human beings. These are insecure, angry men who are unable to take responsibility for their actions and behaviours. You can’t change these men, as they simply do not want to change.

5. Generational trauma is a real thing, and there’s such little understanding of this. Patterns and cycles repeating generation after generation because nobody has the awareness to break them. Change them. Improve things for their future generations. We carry it all. Unhealthy beliefs. Toxic behaviours. Co-dependent tendencies. We all have the ability to be the change and it simply starts with recognising and seeking help.

6. Faith is a beautiful thing. Whether it be a God, the universe, or another higher being, faith is something we all need to hold. However, our faith is personal. It’s ours. It’s not something to be pushed on others. Our beliefs and perspectives are part of us and we should never expect that others feel the same. Let people live their lives and you live yours. If you’re happy, you won’t be bothered by what others choose.

7. Humans need connection to thrive, but it doesn’t need to be romantic connection. Chasing relationships is unhealthy and will more often than not leave you feeling lost, lonely, and empty. Instead, build up your friendships. Spend time with family. Reconnect with yourself. Pursue your passions. Connection comes from all different places, and desperately chasing a lover is rarely going to fulfil you.

8. Women really are gaslit by the medical profession. If we don’t advocate for ourselves, we are rarely taken seriously. It’s not all in our head. We usually don’t need an antidepressant. It’s not just anxiety. We should not have to tolerate pain. Normal transitions should not mean we are left struggling in life. Women are f*cking amazing. What our bodies go through is remarkable. Yet we are so often dismissed. Our concerns minimized and we are left completely invalidated.

9. Our unhealed inner child appears in every relationship we have. Unconsciously triggered, it’s often not the adult us who’s reacting but the child in us. We all have a little inner child healing to do, yet few of us do it. Doing this work would make such a difference in people’s lives and relationships.

10. “Alpha, masculine, self-proclaimed high value men” have taken social media by storm and it really is a storm we could do without. All offering advice, courses, relationship coaching. They are a dime a dozen, and they spread toxicity. The damage they are causing our young men will be irreversible if we don’t take action. Perhaps a license to buy a microphone and start a podcast would alleviate this poison.

11. The person in front of you is who they are. Their actions and behaviour are who they are. Not any potential you may see. Not changes you think you can help them make. Not hope. Not the idea you can fix them. What is standing right in front of you, right now, is who they are. Don’t chase, date, or build relationships based on potential and hope, as you will be sorely disappointed.

12. Too many people confuse control with boundaries. They are two different things. A boundary is something you have for yourself, that you can choose to accept or walk away from. Control is trying to change others and their behaviour. Understanding the difference is important.

13. There is still a huge stigma around mental illness and a limited understanding of suicide. At a time when these things are happening at high rates, we are surrounded by ignorance. And sadly, around the world we don’t do nearly enough, and what we have in place are systems that are all but broken. Funding and support need to be increased dramatically if we are to ever make a difference.

14. Just because we can say it, does it really mean we should? The inappropriate comments made on social media range from ridiculous, nasty, and damaging, to dangerous. It’s like people think they are not seen for the bully they are. Not everything that pops into our head needs to be expressed. When did people become so angry, bitter, and resentful? It’s like people are spewing out all their inner ugliness, when booking into therapy would be a better course of action.

15. What other people choose to do with their life is nobody else’s business. Their judgements, comments, and opinions can with all due respect be kept to themselves. People can choose to remain single. They can get married. They can remain childless. They can have kids. They can choose their career. They can become homemakers. They can do whatever their heart desires, and it in no way should bother anyone else.

16. Bodily autonomy should never be in question. To think some parts of the world have taken this autonomy away. Why does any other human think they can decide what’s best for another human? What goes in and out of our body should always be our choice.

17. Grief doesn’t ever fully leave us. It may become smaller, and we grow around it, but it never disappears. We grieve our losses in some way for the rest of our lives. It’s misunderstood, and too many people are uncomfortable with another’s pain and grief.

18. Time is many things, but it doesn’t heal. It can facilitate the healing process, alongside of therapy, inner work, the right support, and the necessary tools, but time alone is never enough.

19. Sex is not intimacy; it can be intimate, but it also can mean nothing. Chemistry is not love; great relationships are formed through the building of intimacy, which is based on trust and vulnerability. A quick shag based on intense chemistry can no doubt be great, but it’s not love. It’s not intimate. It’s hot sex. Can it lead to more? Absolutely. But let’s stop talking about sex as if it’s intimacy and love if it’s simply just sex.

20. Weaponised incompetence is a thing. Internalised misogyny is a thing. They are both problematic and continue to erode relationships. Internalised misogyny enables weaponised incompetence. Adults, both men and women, need to take on shared responsibility in their homes, their relationships, and their parenting, unless it’s agreed upon to have a different balance. We need to stop making excuses for being a sh*tty partner or parent.

21. Meeting people where they are at and not where you want them to be is a gift. Accepting where they are at and allowing them to be who they are and where they are in life is how we harness trust and safety. It’s how we improve mental health and improve relationships.

22. Men and women can definitely be friends. I’m tiring of the narrative that friendship cannot flourish between the opposite sexes. If you only see humans as objects, yes, maybe you can’t be friends with the opposite sex, but if you genuinely like and care about others, there’s no reason why you can’t be friends. If sex is all you think about, perhaps therapy would be helpful.

23. Hurt people, hurt people. Unhappy, distressed, fearful, resentful, and bitter people will project all their pain onto others if they don’t find healthy ways to deal with their emotions. Sadly, they will bring others down and find emotional punching bags to spew all their pain over. They will blame others, never understanding what their behaviour is causing.

24. Ageing is a gift. Wear what you want. Do what makes you happy. Don’t let others’ limited beliefs and close mindedness change who you are. There’s a freedom and wisdom that comes with age; celebrate that.

So, as we get ready to step into 2025, unshackle yourself. Use your intuition. Relax and live your life the way that makes you happy. Don’t worry about what others think; their opinions mean nothing. Advocate for yourself and always remember your rights to bodily autonomy. Walk away from people who make you feel less then. Surround yourself with people who cheer for you. Believe what you want to believe, but understand not everyone has those same beliefs, and that’s okay.

And the most important gift? Learn from your lessons and appreciate your blessings.

2024 has been the year that’s kicked our ass, and if we’ve paid attention and made the changes or done the work, 2025 will be a new beginning.

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