We can use birthdays not only to celebrate the people we love, but also, maybe, to celebrate ourselves.

A looming birthday can give us an opportunity to pause and consider what time has taught us, and how each year gifts us newfound chances to create the life we want.

For a lot of us, getting older is not a burden or something to dread, but rather a new opportunity for gratitude, thoughtfulness, and maybe even fun.

What if while eating our cake and ice cream—or, perhaps, champagne and oysters—we all paused and allowed ourselves to make a few meandering musings about our observations? Take note of what has brought us happiness and places the world is moving in ways that make us happy.

Here are 12 of mine that I took note of before turning 49 and rounding closer to a bigger milestone, filled with wishes before blowing out my candles:

1. Raw oysters are the sea’s great gift to women—zinc, B-12, Vitamin D, lean protein, antioxidants, and enough of the right kind of iron to shield against anemia. This is justification for my recent pricey oyster happy hour binges, but really, we should all be getting together for oysters all the time. Espresso martinis or champagne is optional. We’d be healthier in so many ways, wouldn’t we? It doesn’t matter if chips and salsa, a cup of coffee, or a gourmet meal—it’s more our need to break from our doom scrolling, traffic jams, demands, lists, and stressors than it is our excuse. I’ll keep going with this oyster excuse as long as my friends will let me, but take note of your own.

2. I have so many thoughts as I draw nearer to 50 about rampant consumerism, marketing to women’s insecurities and the anxiety I see so many of us whirl through over things that absolutely do not matter at all. I think about it a lot. But as we think about it, perhaps we find authenticity. So I’ll keep thinking about it and ask the rest of us to do the same. Can we please be conscientious and intentional about what we’re prioritizing year in, year out?

3. Last year on my birthday, I said on a social media post that I might start trail riding this year. I did; the horse’s name is Major. I’m so glad.

4. Last year, on my birthday, I said on a social media post that I might get some tattoos. I didn’t. I’m so glad I didn’t, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it all the darn time and appreciating yours.

5. I have owls and hummingbirds all over my yard—middle-aged woman utopia. Is that what middle age becomes for a lot of us? A renewed passion for the little things, the simple things? Nature, weather, sunsets, a walk, a great cup of coffee, and the moments when time feels slower. Sometimes it’s as if seeing an owl, or a hummingbird, snaps me back to myself, to my core, to my own pace. I think we all have our owls or hummingbirds—it might be music, a jog, a hobby. I love knowing what brings that peace to others.

6. As I look at my teenagers, I wonder if perspective is the secret to the ability to be present and show up in your own life. As they’re bombarded with sources, stories, images, videos, and links about things to buy, things to be afraid of, and those who want to influence them, I hope they continue to travel, engage with other cultures, read actual books, and be connoisseurs of history. The here and now is important, but without some healthy perspective, it can feel unbearable. Maybe we all need to remind ourselves of the same sometimes.

7. I so very much hope LeBron James has a couple of more years in him. Wouldn’t that be a thing to watch? He’s a big story all around. In my house, we use the phrase, “answering his critics.” To have grown up as social media developed, and to an onslaught of non-stop criticism, endless comparisons, and people vested in his failure to now be on the other side with a huge smile, and a supporting family next to him—it’s a story. It’s not just the story of LeBron, it’s the story we’re all aiming for isn’t it? To make it to the side of life that you can shake your head at the fools who thought their criticism or “hot takes” ever mattered for a moment. Maybe most of us aren’t in the running to be the greatest basketball player ever, but we’re in the running for something and an example of someone who managed to drown out that noise is fun to watch. I hope he keeps smiling.

8. I’ve lost my parents, a baby, and my best friend. But losing my brother unexpectedly and too young a couple of years ago weighs on me in the most brutal, gut-wrenching way, nearly every day. We just never know why it is that the people we encounter through our days process things or react in ways we don’t like. Grief and trauma are so often the answer to odd or off-putting behavior. In those months after he died, I could hardly function. I said some peculiar things, I still do. Sometimes I’m just plain frozen. I’m all about grace now heading closer to 50. We’re all a little messed up and a lot of us are trying to work on it. Grace is the answer.

9. The fact that I am supposed to manage a business, run a household, raise and launch a group of children, maintain my relationships, try to marginally take care of myself, while handling bills, car repairs, life’s emergencies and the like—after finally having enough life experience to have learned that in reality, what I am often judged for on a day to day basis are things like weight gain, eye brow trends, or the wrinkles on my face is really a heck of a thing. And that realization is probably why women start to care less about anything as they get older. I’m here for that not caring about judgment part of aging. I am ready to stop worrying about those voices. I have a horse to ride and oysters to eat with my good friends, and maybe a tattoo to consider.

10. Watching this explosion of attention to women’s sports the last few years has been one of the coolest things of my mid-life experience. I think a lot of us feel that way. I am around little boys often, so can pass along that it’s bigger than you think. My 12-year-old son plays AAU (club teams) and school basketball and I can report these little boys wear Sabrina Ionsecu‘s shoes—lots of them (“Sabrinas”). At one of the state tournament games for my other son’s high school, the top players on both teams were wearing them. My son did a series of summer camps through summer, and on Mondays, the start day to each camp, he wore an A’ja Wilson t-shirt. If you had told me as a former female athlete this just ten years ago, I sincerely wouldn’t have believed it. I’m following these gals, and those who support them, on social media and liking every post.

11. You know how people say all the time to us to follow-up with doctors, stay up on your health, advocate for yourself, blah, blah, blah. I’m ready to listen. That’s the right advice. I want to keep going and thriving with those around me.

12. I’m in the group of people who are glad to get older. Life is both harder, and easier with age. But we all seem to start to understand what matters to us and how we want to spend our time, money, and energy as we start climbing over that proverbial hill. Life is so busy and hectic that sometimes we just have to remember to do the things that make it our life instead of a life some magazine, advertisement, system, social media post, or other contrived outside financially motivated pressure source tells us it’s supposed to be. Perspective, horses, oysters, and time with those we love, celebrating others and the things that are working around us is a pretty good life. And maybe some tattoos.

Maybe our birthdays aren’t all about wrapped dolls or the latest Super-Soaker water-guns in our living rooms adorned with our mom’s scotch taped streamers or rollerskating and arcades as the years pass along, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t all worth celebrating.

Can we give ourselves permission to celebrate ourselves?

Can we take a few minutes of our own birthday to muse a bit about the what’s going right in our lives, what we’re grateful for, the good where we can find it, what we want to take note of or watch for, and most of all, just plain celebrate?

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Curious about the Buddhist view on birthdays? Check out:

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