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{Author’s Note: this is intended to be a reflection on the unseen crisis of feminine self-abandonment.}

There is an epidemic among women.

And it is not loud.

It is not making headlines or hashtags.

It is silent, subtle

And devastating

It is the quiet condition of a woman who does not love herself.

But the scariest part?

She does not even know she does not.

This is not the kind of self-loathing we are used to talking about.

It is not about insecurity or low self-esteem.

It is much deeper than that.

This is the woman who sees beauty in the mirror

but has no boundaries to protect her heart.

The one who speaks of alignment and self-love to others

but still anxiously checks her phone to see if he called.

The one who over-gives, over-thinks, over-produces

because she does not know any other way to earn her worth.

This is a kind of spiritual cancer.

And like many slow, undiagnosed illnesses, it is easy to miss.

Because the symptoms mimic life.

You smile.

You produce.

You keep going.

You think if you can just be skinny, or a sex kitten, or a submissive shell,

you will finally earn a place at love’s table.

That life will reward your martyrdom.

That they will finally see you, choose you, prioritize you—

and most of all, reciprocate your efforts.

But it only leads to burnout, to breakdown,

to silent crying in the shower.

This epidemic hides behind achievements.

It thrives under the mask of being okay.

It grows in environments where women are praised

for performing rather than being.

And the root cause?

No one ever taught her to love herself.

Not perform it.

Not package it.

But actually live it.

Not in curated captions,

but in the dark, honest moments

where she has to choose herself

not because someone is watching,

but because her heart is.

So many women are dying emotionally

because they do not know the source of their suffering.

They numb the symptoms instead of naming them.

They are living, yes, but never truly being.

There are women who go their whole lives

never hearing the truth that could set them free.

Not that they must be more beautiful, agreeable, or soft.

Not that they must earn their way into love.

But that they were always whole,

just hidden beneath layers of survival, silence, and striving.

You are not broken.

You are buried…

beneath the weight of performance, people-pleasing, and forgetting.

And self-love is not the cure because it’s trendy,

but because it is truth. It is the antibiotic.

The only thing strong enough to unearth you

from a life that never let you bloom.

Not the curated kind,

but the kind you practice in private

when no one is watching,

except your own inner girl.

And maybe…this is my purpose.

To say what no one else is saying.

To name what no one else is naming.

To be the voice that whispers: wake up.

Because one day, a woman will read these words

and recognize herself.

And in that moment,

everything will begin to change.

~

Self-Reflection

Have you mistaken performance for self-worth?

How would your life shift if you stopped chasing love and started choosing yourself?

~

For more, try reading The Most Important Article on Elephant, Ever: Maitri. where Elephant’s founder and Editor-in-Chief, Waylon Lewis, talks about Maitri, which is the art of developing an unconditional friendliness toward every part of our sweet selves.