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For those of us who have undergone a deep inward journey of growth and transformation following a specific encounter, life can often feel incredibly lonely.

Despite the fact that I have been shockingly transparent about this part of my experience on a platform like this one, it is a much different story elsewhere in my life.

Most of my acquaintances and virtually none of my family members know anything about this event in my past and most likely never will.

I am well aware that most people would adamantly dismiss me or possibly wonder whether I am suffering from a terrible case of limerence and co-dependence—or, worse, accuse me of being brainwashed by toxic popular culture.

So, because of this, I’ve learned to do the only sane thing I could in such a situation—to keep my mouth closed in fear of not being taken seriously by those who have not been through the same thing or something similar.

Seven years ago, I too did not believe in twin flames, and it certainly wasn’t anything I ever thought too much about. Interestingly enough, however, it was also around that time that I just happened to meet the person who would shortly thereafter function as a major catalyst for my personal evolution, and after meeting and interacting with her, life would never again be the same.

When I met her, I could intuit that there was some grander purpose for the connection, although I didn’t know what that purpose was or why I felt that way in the first place.

People often use terms like “soulmate” to describe a beloved partner, but as much as some part of me wanted to think of her as a kind of “soulmate,” I knew deep down that our connection didn’t fit the feeling or description of a typical harmonious, long-term romantic relationship that is generally so characteristic of that type of soul contract. Yet, simultaneously, I felt this profound and inexplicable sense of unity and oneness underlying the connection despite our obvious and apparent differences. Somehow I knew that this particular encounter was meant to help me evolve in ways and at an intensity that I never had before, despite having been married and going through other challenging life events.

Still, the term “twin flame” didn’t immediately cross my mind, and if anyone had suggested it back then, I too would have thought that it was a bit too far-fetched.

After things fell apart in the spring of 2020, however, I began to experience a litany of intense and peculiar sensations, perceptions, and what many people call synchronicity on a more or less daily basis. All of these things lasted for well over a year, and even to this day, I still experience many of these things, although the manifestations have changed a bit since those earlier days.

In addition, I also had certain things confirmed to me regarding my hunches about this specific person—things I couldn’t possibly have guessed without any tangible things to go on.

Most of all, however, whenever I doubt the type of connection I have with this person, I seem to receive more confirmation in the most random, unexpected but nevertheless unmistakable ways, and something inside of me remains unwavering in the conviction that this particular connection is a deeply spiritual and energetic one, despite playing the devil’s advocate several times over within the past few years.

Unfortunately, thanks to the myriad of distortions on the internet and current “New Age” culture, this type of connection I’ve described is far less understood in the mainstream today, despite the fact that two women by the names of Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Liora wrote books about it many years ago.

In our modern age, however, the term “twin flames” has taken on a rather sinister tone and is looked upon with a fair amount of suspicion. Furthermore, thanks to a certain Netflix documentary that I previously mentioned in an article two years back, the entire concept has been more or less completely written off by most people. Not only is it difficult for most people to digest that this type of connection is even possible in the first place, but the unethical nature of that group and it’s founders make many people even less likely to be receptive to the idea nowadays.

Because of this, people who have honestly undergone experiences like the one I have described look even more “woo-woo” or even mentally ill to the average person.

What many people don’t know, however, is the fact that there are in fact otherwise healthy and sane people who could share the same story as I have as well as ethical coaches who don’t claim to be able to tell you who your “twin flame” is—after all, this is a deep and unshakable intuition that comes from a deeper place within you that only you could resonate with. Nor do they force you to undergo extreme sex-change operations, charge an outrageous amount of money for their services, make outrageous and unrealistic claims, or expect complete loyalty forevermore, and I have personally met a number of them within the past four and a half years.

While a bit harder to find due to all of the bogus information floating around Youtube and the internet, these particular coaches I am talking about are reasonable people with an open heart and a true desire to help others going through similar things they went through. They do not advocate unhealthy behaviours like stalking, co-dependence, remaining in an abusive relationship, and they also don’t cost a fortune and expect loyalty from a following. Rather they are people like myself and others I personally know who have gone through the same type of transformation via the catalyst of another person with whom they shared more or less the same kinds of sensations, perceptions, and synchronicity with time and time again.

Because of their own life experiences and the knowledge and wisdom they have gathered from their own personal evolution and other mentors, they simply feel a deep calling to help other people due to the often confusing, challenging, and painful nature of this type of personal awakening. Their messages aren’t anything at all like the two leaders featured on that Netflix documentary, and in fact, many of them have since respectfully but firmly spoken out against their practices, letting it be known that they in no way, shape, or form approve of what these leaders have apparently done according to the followers who appeared on the show to talk about them and their group. Nor do they believe that the leaders were what they claimed they were to each other for several complex reasons mostly having to do with the discrepancies between their own and most other people’s experiences with their so-called “twin flame” and how these two people present themselves and their connection.

Just because there are people out there who obviously lack ethics and a moral code, call themselves “twin flames,” and claim to want to help other people doesn’t mean that these kinds of connections don’t actually exist; it just means that there are a few people out there who jump on what I call the “new age bandwagon” due to all of the misinformation out there and attempt to take advantage of others who may or may not be going through what they think they are.

Simultaneously speaking, just because we do not understand a certain phenomena such as “twin flames” nor believe it is possible that such a thing could even exist doesn’t mean it isn’t possible; it just means that we don’t and perhaps cannot possibly understand everything there is to know about the ways whatever higher power or this universe works because our senses are limited, and we are all, to some extent, conditioned to believe that nothing outside of what we think, see, taste, touch, hear, and smell could possibly be valid or probable. (Yet, curiously enough, many people in the mainstream willingly accept terms like “soulmate” to describe a different kind of connection from the one I have and think nothing of it despite the fact that their use of language in such as a case is by default, in agreement with the idea that there are in fact certain types of soul contracts that can exist in our world.)

Prior to discovering these kind and ethical coaches, I was doing everything any other reasonable person under the sun would do; I went to therapy under the assumption that I had an anxious attachment style and had simply fallen for an avoidant, attended CODA (Co-Dependants Anonymous) meetings on a weekly basis, fully committed to healing any co-dependent tendencies I thought I had, and even attending a personal development class to work on cultivating a more secure attachment style. While all of these things were wonderful in their own ways, they only got me so far (please note: I am not advocating quitting therapy or any other respected and safe modality if it works for you and your situation; I am simply stating what worked and didn’t quite work for me and my own situation! Everyone’s situation is unique and not everyone has met a catalyst for personal evolution. Please use your own discretion!) Meanwhile, the sensations, perceptions, and synchronicity continued to tug at me day in and day out, despite my logical and rational mind—two things I actually do possess—telling me that there was nothing inherently special or unique about this person or connection; that I was essentially just intoxicated with or hung up on an avoidant partner and needed to just “get over it.”

With time, however, no amount of logic or rationalization helped me move on or convinced me not to dig deeper. Deep down, I just knew that something was profoundly different about this connection and it’s purpose for my life. After all, I had never experienced anything quite like it before, despite having been married and having other relationships prior to this encounter—all of which I could just move on from and never look back. This one was entirely different.

Finally, in June of 2021, I found a “twin flame” coach and spiritual teacher who tied everything together for me. Suddenly, an unmistakable light switch came on and it all made sense in ways all of the therapy, CODA, and personal development classes had not. I felt seen and validated in ways I hadn’t before and slowly but surely, even the overall quality of my life began to shift dramatically, for the better. I wasn’t even bypassing anything; instead I felt as though I were staring at life from 15 feet above, and for the first time, everything seemed clearer for me—even things in my life beyond that person and encounter.

Most importantly, this coach never claimed to have all the answers, nor insist on gaining as many followers as possible. Clearly, the goal of this person was to try to bridge a gap between the senses phenomena that occurs at a spiritual level based on experience. I can honestly say that, in hindsight, my life has immeasurably improved. Even though the deeply-embedded subconscious beliefs rear their heads, I am a lot more self-aware and willing to see myself, others, and life itself from a broader perspective. Other people I have met are having similar experiences, and they certainly aren’t stalking, co-dependent, and vulnerable.

After a few years of experience with other honest coaches with the same focus or niche, I have come to discover common threads in the good-quality, kind, and ethical “twin flame” coaches and want to share them with you in the hopes that it can help someone who may be going through the same type of situation, or at least suspect it. Unfortunately, the wrong kinds of guidance, like the kind in that infamous Netflix documentary, make you more heartbroken, more deeply confused, and can do a lot of overall harm to your well-being. However, the right kind of guidance will not limit you, harm your well-being, or break your spirit and autonomy; instead, in my experience and the experience of other people I know, it will do just the opposite. So, it is imperative to find the right guidance for yourself.

Below are the main overarching things to look for in an honest and ethical “twin flame” coach:

1. They will never ever encourage obsession, stalking, or co-dependence in any way, shape, or form.

In fact, not only will they downright discourage obsession, stalking, and co-dependence, but they will adamantly insist that if you did in fact meet your “twin flame” (remember: there are no guarantees) or someone similar to this type of connection, this is a solo life path meant to cultivate a deeper awareness of self and am embodiment of the highest version of who you truly are from the inside out. They will always teach you about presence and soul-alignment first and foremost.

2. The coach is usually solo.

If I were you, I would be highly, highly suspicious of these “twin flame couples” on Youtube whose names I will not mention. If they come on the internet together to talk about their relationship, the separation and union, they are not representing the dynamic in the ways most coaches, myself, and other people have experienced and described over and over again. In most cases, what popular culture calls “the runner” isn’t as aware of the connection or willing to discuss it—and this isn’t necessarily a cop-out; it is how energy manifests in the physical. It is part of the duality that exists within the same energetic field and it is quite complicated to really explain.

3. They will tell you that “masculine” and “feminine” labels are about energy and not gender-specific.

Everything on this planet is polarized—up and down, hot and cold, and so on and so forth. Everything, however, is also a different degree of the same thing, the same energy. This explains how “twin flames” operate; although the two people share the same core frequency, they operate in two polarized ways in the physical world. We all have “masculine” and “feminine” energies, and none of that has to do with a person’s sex or gender-identity; rather it has to do with how they operate within the connection itself. The masculine principle is about physicality and operates in logic and through the ego-mind, which partly explains why the so-called “divine masculine” twin doesn’t necessarily acknowledge the connection.

4. They will draw clear boundaries between the terms “soulmate” and “twin flame” and clearly explain the differences between the two—and there are many, indeed.

They will explain that what we typically refer to as a “soulmate” connection is a person who closely resonates with your particular core soul frequency, like a mate or a close friend of your unique energetic imprint. Because their core soul frequency and energetic field is different from your own, you can operate with them as though they are separate from you, because they are. Therefore, you can long for them, yearn for them, and interact with them through the ego-mind, which includes emotions of attachment and aversion.

However, this is not the case with your “twin flame.” Since they share the same core frequency and energetic field, you can’t disturb yourself without it affecting them, as well. The so-called “runner” will run from the “chaser” until the “chaser” has no attachment or aversion toward their counterpart. The soul has no preference, no judgments, no attachments or aversion, and it doesn’t operate through the emotions (a product of the mind), contrary to what many people think. It is our eternal presence or innate sense of peace; it is who we are and always were before thoughts and emotions arise. If you lose touch with this part of yourself, your “twin flame runner” feels it as well and can no longer be in your space. In short, your “twin flame” will always reflect back to you how aligned you are with your own deeper nature by either running from you if you are running from yourself, or by being drawn back to you if you are aligned with your own soul. Like attracts like. We attract what we are, and we share the same core frequency with our “twin flame.”

5. They will tell you that you are whole and complete in your deepest essence (your soul), and that that is who you truly are at the deepest level of your being. Yet despite this, they won’t bypass the human aspects of the self, either.

6. They will strongly emphasize that the overarching purpose of this path is self-realization and inner peace first and foremost.

The goal of meeting your “twin flame” is not to be with them, although that can happen. First and foremost, the goal is to be yourself at the deepest level and live the most soul-aligned life you possibly can, and that looks a little different for everyone, even though there are also several common threads.

7. They will always emphasize that once you reach a more or less anchored state of soul-alignment or inner union (which can take years since we are so conditioned to operate from the ego-mind), you always have a choice and don’t necessarily have to be with your “twin flame.”

8. They will tell you if they hear any red flags in your description of the connection and refer you to a therapist if need be.

9. They won’t encourage dependency on their services or guidance.

I was encouraged to spread my wings once I felt I no longer needed any support, and so were countless others I witnessed.

10. They will draw a clear distinction between the psychological phenomena of limerence and the signs and symptoms of meeting a “twin flame.”

11. They will introduce you to legitimate spiritual teachers who are not known or suspected cult-leaders to help guide you on your path of personal growth. The works of teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer have been invaluable to me and others I know.

12. They will encourage you to seek help from a licensed therapist if they suspect poor mental health.

13. They have nothing to sell you; no sky-high and grandiose promises or quick fixes. Rather they will help you uncover deeper and truer aspects of yourself.

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