A good friend of mine, a realllly cool guy, happened to watch an episode (or two) of MTV’s The City the other night. No big deal, accidents happen. Anyway, in said episode, the founder lady [Kelly Cutrone] of People’s Revolution asked (repeatedly) with a mix of concern and rudeness whether a model, Allie, was too thin. “Are you okay?,” she kept asking. The model lady was offended, hurt.

It got me—I mean, my friend—thinking: what kind of society is it where we like the idea of honesty, but not the reality? I mean, it’s not like the boss lady was being honest slash rude about the model’s dress or makeup or hairstyle—she was bringing something up that not one of the model’s friends had dared/cared to bring up, but who all had likely thought about more than once: “Does my friend have an eating disorder, or is she comfortably thin…as she’s expected to be in her profession, rightly or wrongly?” 

So, two questions: one, if your best friend is too thin or getting too into drugs or in a bad relationship or…do you have the guts/lack of tact to bring it up? Do you care enough to get uncomfortable for the sake of your friend?

And, two: how thin is too thin? And how do you know, whether you’re the observed or the observed?