Oprah’s Beer

Last Saturday night, we were at The Mitten Brewery in Grand Rapids, Michigan, when our waitress told us we just missed Oprah. Isn’t the most appropriate response to this: “I’ll have what she’s having!”

One of my friends said “I bet she is here as a follow up to her 60 minute segment she did last September.” The segment from last fall included a round table of 7 Trump supporters and 7 non-Trump supporters. The intention was to agree to disagree and to not be disagreeable (apparently we are known for “West Michigan nice”…).

This got me thinking about conflict resolution, which then led to thinking about Nathan, Nick and Carla. Nathan is a yoga student who is currently writing his dissertation on Conflict Resolution and Meditation. His premise is how this ancient practice can be of service when parties cannot see eye to eye. If only, if only…
Then there is Nick. A few years back, I was teaching meditation to this young man undergoing chemotherapy. He explained to me that this was a technique he learned while studying Chemistry in college. I asked him why they were learning meditation and he said “Well, to avoid confirmation bias!” Confirmation bias according to Wikipedia is:
 

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased-way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs.

Understanding this concept is helpful if we truly are interested in bridging gaps between people. I think it explains a lot of what is currently plaguing this country.
Then there is Carla. Carla was a marriage counselor who taught my husband and I the conflict management skill called Imago.   Imago takes into account our unconscious self and how “conflict” can often be a trigger or projection from a wound or desire which may have little to do with the conflict before us. Understanding our own triggers, can be a powerful tool for when we feel separate from others in regards to values, opinions or lines drawn in the sand.
It appears to me that conflict resolution has more to do with reflecting on our own patterns and conditioned behaviors than what the other person is doing. Or maybe Oprah has the solution. Gathering together “not-like minded people”, have a moderator who is smart and fair, and giving them beer.
 

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