Vipassana course – My experience on the path to enlightenment.  

It would have been 10 days of absolute silence, a peaceful and beautiful absence of any human voice; just birds chirping, breeze whispering, and random fire-cracks that would make me jump off my meditation mat, but that was ok.

The other rules were no talking, no physical contact and no to any kind of communication between us; it was a segregation between men and women and absolutely no sex of any sort. Also, we were not supposed to kill any living creature, and we have been provided with tools to remove any insect from our dormitory without harming them.

That was the first PRINCIPLE OF VIPASSANA, the moral code. The second was to control the wilderness of our mind and focus on the respiration and sensation.

Oh gosh! This one is difficult.

But it got better eventually. In fact, they thought us that we don’t actually need to control our mind, we just have to drive our attention to it and observe it.

Vipassana meditation technique has been thought by the Buddha and his students with the ultimate purpose to teach the path of happiness. How? By eradicating the problem from the source, and defeating cravings and addictions which are the main causes of unhappiness and misery.

Why through meditation? Because all the negativities and mental impurities manifest in the respiration and sensations; therefore by observing them we are observing our mental contaminations without reacting but eradicate them.  This way, instead of running away or hiding from the problem we are facing it.

And here comes the third step, which was to purify our mind from contamination, developing a complete and honest vision of our personal experience, observing our being as a mental and physical phenomenon in constant change.

Following this principle would lead us to the ultimate teaching of Buddha which was purification through self-observation; we are supposed to observe the reality of the way it is because knowing our own inner reality is to know ourselves through experience.

And it goes on…

We know everything is impermanent, everything will come and go; so why despair for painful things? They pass, anyway. We develop detachment from all external events. We acknowledge it, and we are happy. That’s the final goal.

That doesn’t mean that we remain cynic before the world problems! On the contrary, we became more sensitive towards others people’s pain and suffering, and we strive to help, maintaining a balanced and peaceful mind.

When I signed up for the 10 days Vipassana retreat, I just couldn’t imagine myself to stay so much time without talking, and I was afraid I would have been freaking out at day 2. And in fact, I was at day one, but not because of the silence. That was actually one of the easiest and most pleasant aspects of the course.

Too bad my mind was louder than any possible external voice, and there was no way I could shut it up. I would eventually learn that the goal would not be the struggle against that, but to observe it and accept it.

To my pleasant surprise, we had separated individual rooms, cute, simple little cells made of brick stones. It was a real luxury to me as I was preparing to share my space with other 50 women. I didn’t really like that idea, but I was ready to accept it for the sake of enlightenment if that was. That would have been another proof that things will eventually manifest the way you want them when you are ready to accept that they won’t. This principle would come out later in one of the teacher speeches, and I was pleased to hear it again as it is a rule that I have been living on for the past years and had many personal empirical experiences that it does indeed work, in many different ways.

Our everyday schedule was pretty much the same. We would wake up at 4.30 a.m. with the first meditation and end at 9 pm with the last one after the discourse from the Maestro Goenka for a total of 10 hours of meditation interrupted only for breakfast, lunch and a quick fruit-based snack at 5 pm, our last meal.  I thought I would be starving but it was actually a pleasant sensation to get to bed on an empty stomach, and I started to appreciate the benefit of it. Useless to say I have adopted the habit in my real life and it works wonders.

At 12 pm, we were allowed interviews with the teacher, a pure soul, with a permanent and genuine smile on her face, she was irradiating such a positive and happy energy, looking almost as if she was watching over us from the above with no prejudices nor judgment.

Of course, I was there every day, taking full advantage of my 5 minutes interview, more properly called confession, and asked her about all the weird things that were manifesting in my mind and all over my body through the entire period.

They made it very clear. This was no spa retreat or relaxing bootcamp. We needed to work hard. Well, trust me, being with your own deeper self for so much time with no possibility of confrontation and external distraction is no joke! Your mind plays so many tricks, and the temptation to escape from your truth shows up all the time.

My everyday mantra improved from day one when I thought “What the heck am I doing here. I am going to leave right now” to “How many days are left now?! “That was my constant everyday thought, together with many others… many indeed.

I was happy to be there, and I was grateful for having that experience, but at the same time, it was really difficult to handle all that headaches and all other stuff that was coming out physically and mentally.

The teacher explained that it was part of the purification process which was manifesting in different ways in each individual according to our own most common distress.

Therefore, when I realized that I wasn’t really going to die and everything was bearable for the sake of enlightenment, I started to be able to focus a little more, and accept when I couldn’t do it.

I was simply following the instruction without trying to understand too much, and even though my mind had no intention to shut up, I was accepting it as well and observing it.

In one of the nightly discourses, Teacher Goenka was explaining that we needed to abandon our desires and constant search of pleasures and use our fortune and possessions to serve others in order to find happiness. I was a bit confused by this statement since I wasn’t living in a monastery. I have a lot of dreams and desires of self-accomplishment, and I believe that we all should have them because it is what makes us pull out the best of ourselves. Why would that be wrong if I am not harming anyone? I asked our teacher who explained that the point Goenka was making was just not to be greedy and obsessed with it and most of all don’t get upset and disappointed if we don’t get what we want, because that would be the source of our discomfort and unhappiness that is manifesting through our illnesses and negative thoughts and actions and ultimately “misery,” how he called it.

“Good. I am so relieved. I can keep dreaming.”

“Ok I am at peace with Vipassana; this is for me. I can focus. I can accept my distractions, I just observe them and go back to my meditation… it is actually all part of it. I love it, but still, I want to get out of here.”

The last day, was a disaster. Too loud. Why do they have to talk so loud?

We had been finally allowed to talk, and I didn’t like it at all, surprisingly.

I was truly annoyed! I was judging everybody about their silly behaviour and their useless and expected question. “How did it go”?

For a moment I even thought, with extreme disappointment, that I didn’t learn anything from these 10 days of martyrdom if I am starting to judge everybody.

Useless to say after a while I was there among them asking the same question but I didn’t have an answer to give. I don’t know how it went; I really don’t know. It was a positive experience for sure, and I can’t deny it.

It was intense.

It was silent.

It was real and surreal.

I didn’t have all those beautiful insights that some of the people I talked to had. I have always been “jealous” of all those people that see the celestial light every time they meditate… how do they do that?

Anyway, no comparison we said … so it was what it was.

DID VIPASSANA WORK FOR ME? DID I CHANGE ANYTHING?

For sure it had a couple of great practical effects on me

I detoxed from coffee. I now don’t need coffee to wake up, but a good meditation, exercise, and a nice healthy breakfast, if it’s available.
I am back to vegetarian on the road to full vegan. The food they were serving was mainly vegan with the exception of a little of dairy products, and besides being so rich and tasty, it made me feel so good and clean. It reminded me of the good old times. Yes, I can do this again.
I feel more equanimous, and when I am not, I observe it.
I observe things that happen to me and my reaction to external events.
I just feel good.

So yes the Vipassana meditation did work for me. I just have a more practical way of manifesting it and explaining it.

It was a burst of energy and at the same time a gentle start into the path of compassion love and kindness, acceptance and happiness.

I am still getting mad and sad and excited. The things that were annoying before, still are, as much as the ones that I was craving for. People can still get on my nerves. I haven’t become an enlightened human being free from passions and contrasting feelings. I wouldn’t even want it to happen.

BUT, I see emotions from a different perspective. When I get mad, I observe the whys and the hows; I am aware that what provoke those feelings and sensations are not from an external cause but come from within. Therefore I know that instead of reacting to the event, I look inside myself and search for the source of my sensation.

I won’t find it right now, and it’s ok.

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