October 12, 2009

Boulder City Council Candidate, Rob Smoke, Tells All.

Rob Smoke’s Bio – Exclusive for New Era (and elephant journal)

I grew up on a small farm in southern New York State–actually, it was right in the middle of lower Manhattan. There were two cows and a pig; let me correct that, there were two cows and a Kosher pig; I come from a Jewish family.

My father taught me to milk the cows, my mother taught me how not to piss off the pig too badly. By the time I was twelve, I was proficient in all aspects of urban farming; just the same, I used to get very depressed working on the farm, which consisted of our twenty-by-twelve foot terrace overlooking the Hudson river. It was harsh milking cows in such cramped quarters.

When I was twelve, I started drinking moonshine whiskey regularly. I would tell my parents I was going out on the terrace to milk the cows and feed the pig, but then I would just sit out there, drink moonshine, and watch music videos on a portable black-and-white television. The moonshine was delicious, but very toxic, and forced me to miss a lot of school. Sometimes my friends would come over and we’d drink moonshine together, but when my parents finally figured out the cows weren’t getting milked, watch out!

Dad sent me straight to rehab. From there, I moved to Boulder, and the rest is history. I’ve been an advocate and activist; a print and broadcast journalist, a follower of Mahatma Gandhi, and when Gandhi wasn’t available, I used to follow his pet beagle down around the Pearl Street Mall. It used to poop quite often, thus dogs are banned from the downtown mall to this day, particularly Gandhi’s beagle. In fact, if you see Gandhi’s beagle on the mall, best to report it, the police have an ‘all points bulletin’ out for its arrest. They’re sick and tired of him trying to sneak his way back down there.

As for the city council, I have several very key positions. First of all, I want to make it a requirement that all council members smoke at least two separate strains of marijuana each week. This is the only way to learn the meaning of diversity. I’d also like to clean up the Boulder reservoir, and help get the Flatirons Theater reopened as a top-notch entertainment venue.

My cat, Sita, is my campaign manager; she supports single-payer vet care…and don’t forget the grooming!

For more information on Rob Smoke’s run for Boulder City Council, please visit his website.

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