April 1, 2010

CU Scientist and Meditator Reveals Date for Global Transformation {April Fool’s edition}

Scientist Trevor Watkins of the Laboratory for Atmospheric and Space Physics at the University of Colorado, Boulder, has revealed that a Meta-energy pulse wave, similar to sun spot radiation, but far greater in intensity, will have a transformational effect on the earth’s electromagnetic field on May 1, 2010. Watkins, a kundalini yoga practitioner for the past 20 years said, “If you thought the Harmonic Convergence in 1987 was powerful, well, this is a watershed event for the planet.” After Watkins watched “What the Bleep do We Know” on DVD last year, he had a Satori: he wept with relief that he no longer had to hide his spiritual practices from his nerdy co-workers who wore black plastic pencil holders in their shirt pockets and never stopped reminiscing about the prog-rock era. “Finally (sigh) I could reconcile the two worlds. When Hollywood married quantum physics with human consciousness I knew I could come out of the closet” Watkins said. “Even in a progressive town like Boulder, I had to keep a low profile – I mean, sometimes I’d have this Shakti running up my spine when I was monitoring EMPs and I’d be shaking with these spontaneous kriyas. Once a co-worker thought I was having a seizure and called 911.”
The May 1 event, that will be triggered by sunspots and a specific planetary conjunction similar to the Harmonic Convergence, will “send a pulse so strong, that the collective consciousness will move from the 3rd to 4th chakra within hours” Watkins said. Those celebrating the traditional May 1st celebration of Beltaine will be in for an extra treat. “Maypole dancers will feel a bliss unsurpassed during previous rituals throughout history” he added.
According to the scientist, President Obama will be withdrawing troops from Afghanistan and Iran immediately, the Taliban will put down its arms, Iran will cease all nuclear weapons development, Israel will transform its military into a humanitarian aid force, and all violent crime will permanently cease. Even married couples, caught in cycles of blame and retribution, will laugh at the absurdity of their personal dramas and forgive one another.
“Love like this hasn’t been felt on a planetary level since Jesus walked the earth,” Watkins said.

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