December 9, 2011

Ode to Finals. ~ Zoe Schiffer

I hate finals week.

I know what you’re thinking: everyone hates finals week. But it’s one of school’s necessary tortures, a test of sorts to see how much coherence your adderall-raddled brain can retain after an entire week of solitary confinement, left-over quinoa, and coffee-soaked wet dreams.

And yet…I really hate finals week.

So much so that my hate has begun to eek out into all sorts of situations that generally stir only the most mild disdain, coating unsuspecting authors, happy couples, and even my philosophy professor in a filmy coat of loathing-filled rage. (I actually spent a solid 20 minutes today contemplating how to burn my 3,000 page English Anthology, before remembering that I actually need about 2,000 of those pages for a test tomorrow, and I’m way too short to dismantle the fire alarm in my apartment anyway).

It’s been a rough week.

I just think that our education system needs to take a good, hard look at itself in the mirror and realize that if, in my future life, I am ever asked to find the vertex form of a quadratic function, I will do what any half-sane individual would in such a situation, and punch whoever asked me for it in the face. Except if it’s my child. And then I will look it up online. The point is, the unnecessary amount of time spent memorizing formulas and theories that actually do not pertain in any way to my major or life seems altogether wasteful and unwarranted.

So look forward to my follow-up post, which should be titled something like “Ten Awesome Careers That Don’t Require College Degrees” or “Tune in (Pandora) Turn on (Please) and Drop Out (of College).

Just kidding. But now I’m at my wits end, literally, so I must stop writing in pursuit of other more study-conducive activities. Like peeling my toenails off with hot pokers.

Or, sigh: writing my analysis on Oliver Goldsmith.



 Zoe Schiffer grew up in the lush southern coast of California, where she began writing and reading voraciously at an early age. Her love of traveling has brought her all over the world, and it is a passion she still obtains, though currently tethered down in the Washington area by Seattle University, where she is in her second year. A student of yoga, she takes her practice on the road as often as possible, always trying to gain new experience (and writing material) through travel and adventure.

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