May 16, 2012

I’d Love to Stay & Chat, but You’re a Total B*tch.

Joan Collins, pre-Dynasty. Photo credit: Flickr Commons

I’ve been a little bitchy lately.

Let’s get real, the b-word is applicable to all genders, shapes, shoe-sizes and colours. From the beginning of time and in all walks of life, there’s a good possibility that bitches have walked the path before you. And they will definitely keep walking on long after you’re gone.

Bitches have been on board the Death Star and the Battle Star Galactica and they have been living amongst the Smurfs in the tiny Smurf village. The Danish queen’s husband is kind of a bitch (he’s French you know). And have you ever watched Dynasty? Talk about the Queen B, Ms. Joan Collins herself! Some would argue that Margaret Thatcher was a natural bitch. We all know that Prince is a saucy bitch. Sunburns are bitches, pricker bushes are bitches (or in normal vocabulary, bushes with thorns), oh yeah cats and that colour in between pink and purple…quite a serious bitch.

The truth is, all of us have had a bad attitude, been angry, aggressive, hostile and have been pissed off at the Universe. In other words, every one of us has been a bitch. Am I wrong? Is there anyone here who hasn’t acted a B at one point or another in their lives? Today? In the past few minutes?

So what makes a B a B?

Sure, hormones could be a contributing factor. Serious vitamin and mineral deficiency, lack of sunshine, a sensitivity to the full moon or Mercury in retrograde could bring out the B. Some even claim that bitchiness is a genetic disposition. (It takes a bitch to know one and now it also takes a bitch to create one? Yikes.)

There are also other ‘elements’ aside from the planetary alignment, the monthly hormonal cycle and genetics that make us bitchy. What about these: insecurity, fear, selfishness, a struggle for egoic power, lack of self-love, limited awareness, unwillingness to put in effort, patience, etc?

In Buddhism, I believe things such as these are referred to as Kleshas, states of mind that include anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, desire, depression, etc. Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras describes them as desire, anger, delusion, greed, sloth and envy. Good descriptives for bitchiness if you ask me.

Being a B can become a malicious and vicious habit, a defence mechanism and a way to avoid dealing with our own shit (and a justification to not change).

Photo credit: Flickr Commons

Can you see see the connection between these poisonous states of mind and being a bitch?

It doesn’t really matter who defined these poisons of the mind. The fact of the matter is that they exist and most likely correlate to the magnitude or presence of a bitch.

When we’re bitchy, we send a negative signal, we block energetic exchanges and even worse, we can become blatantly cruel to the world around us.


Bitchiness is a reflection of our inner wellbeing.

When I’m feeling bitchy, it’s usually a good indicator that it’s time for some inner reflection and perhaps some self-control. I have found these questions helpful when trying to escape a bitchy rut:

1. Are you going the direction your guts are telling you to go? Be honest. Listen to your body. Listen to your intuition.

2. Are you forcing yourself to do things or to be someone you’re not? Get real with yourself, trust who you are deep down inside, even if you’re not yet sure who that is. You can be sure you are on the journey towards finding out.

3. Are you eating your negative emotions (aka eating like crap) and making your body take the brunt of it? Eliminating as much bitchiness as possible can very well start with a good night’s rest and a healthy diet. This will also help to balance hormones.

4. Is it really worth it? Is it worth sending out the bitch signal to the world? Is it worth making this moment the worst ever for you and everything around you? Perhaps some yoga, meditation, a walk in nature is what you need to gain a sense of control over your life. Remember, no one can control your reactions, unless you’re in the vicinity of a Jedi master, Lord Voldemort or Smurfette.

So open your heart back up, grow patience in your garden and don’t stop the self-reflection bit, bitch.

Or, in the words of the wise Tyra Banks, “If you a bitch, hide it.” Ha!

Read more:

12 Ways to Deal With A Toxic Family/Family Member.

Your ‘Eckhart Tolle’ of the Day.

I’m So Glad We’re Not Friends Anymore.

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Tanya Lee Markul  |  Contribution: 15,600