February 11, 2013

When It Comes to Love: Hey, Cupid? Bite Me! ~ Ronna Holtz

Every year around mid-January I seem to get a sense that a contagious viral bug starts floating around.

Then I realize—it’s actually Cupid. I’m curious what a flying child in a towel knows about love. And who gave him weapons? This armed toddler marks the start of another Hallmark holiday along with pressure and “So what did you get? What did he/she get you?”

Women talking about Valentines Day:
So what did he get you? Flowers.
What kind of flowers? Roses.
Uh- roses? What color? Yellow.
Damn. Yellow? Wow. You’re fucked. A book? On architecture? Oh you should dump him. Really? Yes. Dump him because you were thought of. Brilliant concept. Jewelry? Oh. He’s totally going to propose to you. In four months. On a Tuesday.

Perhaps if we are all lucky he will buy you a therapy session.

Men talking about Valentines day? Here’s what I envision:
I’d like a blow job and for it to be the 15th of February. The pressure is killing me.

I’m not claiming to know how men think; however, I’d imagine the pressure to do the right thing or make her feel “special” can be just a bit harrowing.

This brings me to my view of Valentines Day. I don’t like the thought of people being judged on actions, or lack thereof, on one specific day of the year. What about the other 364? Not to say that I’m not romantic. I am. If I had my way, I’d go to his house on the 13th of February, cook him dinner clad only in red lingerie and spend the entire night in bed. Notice I said the 13th. I’d do it when the mood strikes me, not because some chubby angel kid jumped me in my garden and stabbed me in the shin with an arrow.

Breakfast in bed, drive-in movies, late night walks and I’d even dare to say late night alleys. These are all things that I find sexy. I just don’t need them done on a specific day because there’s a notation in my calendar.

It’s kind of like the religion versus spirituality concept. Some say that you need to walk into a specific building on a specific day and read out of a specific book in order for it to be considered prayer. This includes rules and guidelines, and in the case of Valentines Day manufactured expectations. This is not a piece on my views of religion… please don’t freak out.

My question is this: Does being the recipient of a romantic gesture make it better on the day it is expected? Hells no. Does the person who sends two dozen roses on Valentines Day have a better grasp on romance because they’re meant to send it that day? Sorry, I think not.

I can’t speak for other women, and I’m clearly not male, but you get my drift don’t you? I’d rather have a man treat me well all year round than perform like a circus freak one day to try and make up for his lack of rad the rest of the year. The acknowledgement of a “Happy Valentines Day” is enough. I’d hope that occasional thoughtful gestures are part of the whole package. I find spontaneity sexy. Getting flowers at the airport? Way cooler.

I read somewhere that “Valentines Day is about the search for lasting love.” Seriously?

I wonder where people come up with these things. Deciding to be with someone because they give you chocolates on February 14th is a valid reason? I thought I was living in sanity land. My mistake. That’s like making a decision to be with someone because they are giving on Christmas Day. Fuck all the way off. It’s a day when florists and Hallmark make an obscene amount of money marking the day of an execution.

Consider how you are treated on a regular basis. My best friend asked me the other day about the worst Valentines Day I ever had. Can’t remember. I know that one year the guy I was seeing didn’t text me all day, and later informed me that he couldn’t acknowledge it because it was also his ex-girlfriends birthday. I wasn’t with him long after that but it wasn’t because of Valentines Day. It was because he was always that dickish. The best Valentines Day I ever had? Can’t really remember that either. That’s my point. I’m sure it involved an overpriced dinner for two.

I’m not suggesting everyone boycott February 14th.

I’m suggesting we keep the big picture in mind. If you’re a fan of Valentines Day, have fun. Eat oysters and have sex on rose petals. Cover each other in jam and hot wax if that does it for you. If your guy is into Valentine’s Day, all the better. If that’s the case let it be reciprocated. Trust me when I say your guy has probably stressed out at one point of the planning process trying to do right by you. If he got you tulips instead of roses, but sent your mom flowers as well, cut him some slack. If he cooked for you instead of making reservations at your favorite restaurant, it may have been because he wanted to spend quality time with you and not because he didn’t think you were worth the bill. If he wanted alone time to dump you, I’d consider that an issue.

Relax. Breathe. Treat each other well. If you have someone in your life be grateful that you have them. If you don’t have someone at this moment, you will again. It’s just a day and any day can be made to be romantic.

Let the meaningful things be important. Let them know that they matter to you just because…I don’t know…you can.


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Baby: Writers Own. Red Lingerie: Source: Claire. “Meh” Source: Jaclyn Smith

Eds: Anne Clendening/Kate Bartolotta

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