March 20, 2013

CPAC Follies of 2013. ~ Tom Degan

“And they call us crazy!”

~ Wayne LaPierre, CPAC Convention, March 2013

Yes we do, Wayne. Yes we do.

The annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is finally over—it was a weekend that seemed to last a month.

The most comprehensive, yearly gathering of Conservative activists has folded up the tents and have gone their separate ways.

Were there lessons taken away from the 2013 CPAC conference? You bet’cha! And what—you may well ask—was the fundamental lesson learned this past weekend?

Hold onto your hats, kiddies: The GOP is not right wing enough!

As the late Jack Parr liked to say in his day: “I kid you not.”

New Jersey governor Chris Cristie has got to be thanking his lucky stars—by not being invited to this freak circus he was spared the embarrassment of beingphotographed with any of the clowns—photographs that would surely come back to haunt him should  he decide to seek the nomination in 2016.

Of course, he’s dreaming if he thinks that’s ever going to happen.

The half-wits and maniacs in the South and Midwest who now control “the party of Abraham Lincoln” (What would I do without quotation marks?) will never nominate a non-extremist Northeastern Catholic with a vowel at the end of his name—ain’t  never gonna happen, Bubbah.

“If you’re not free to protect yourself when the government puts its thumb on that freedom, then you’re not free at all.”

That was uber-dufus, Wayne LaPierre again. When all else fails you can count on this jackass to try to make people paranoid about the big, bad government coming to kill them. The government, by the way, is armed to the teeth with predator drones, jet fighters,and nuclear weapons—there lies the idiocy behind poor old Wayne’s argument.

Forget about the might of the federal government; any state National Guard could, within minutes, make mincemeat out of any self-raised army of anti-government yahoos and their AK-47’s. He must know that. Why would he keep broadcasting this message to a group of not-too-bright reactionaries—that they could take on the military of the United States—and defeat them? <

What’s the matter with this guy? Does he even have a pulse?

Sarah Palin was there, mocking the attempt New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg made to stem the health crisis posed by obesity when he tried to initiate a ban those huge mega-sodas (mega-pops if you live in the Midwest or Alaska) that are sold by nearly every fast-food restaurant in the nation. While she addressed these nitwits, she was drinking out of one. Isn’t that a scream?

Last month I wrote that in the wake of her getting canned by Fox Noise, her fifteen minutes of fame were up and that she’d probably back to Wasilla, destined for eternal obscurity. Although most people are in agreement that she is pretty-much irrelevant these days, that irrelevance is not apparent to the insanity junkies who plan these CPAC events.

To them, Sarah Palin’s star is still on the rise.

Our gal Sarah (or “Fascist Barbie” as I always called her) also had a few choice words for Karl Rove.

Rove’s latest cause has been a herculean effort to prevent the Tea party crazies from getting on the ballotand dooming the party on Election Day. He’s trying to kill the Frankenstein monster he is partly responsible for creating. Show me a political party that has become too extreme for the likes of Karl Rove, and I’ll show you a political party that has lost its mind; a party that is within less than a decade of disappearing into the trash heap of history.

That was the main problem with this year’s CPAC gathering: so many of their speakers are walking illustrations of why conservatism in America is going the way of the 8-Track tape.

One of their speakers was the recently defeated Allen West. Allen West! The same guy who accused most of the Democrats in congress of being card-carrying members of the Communist Party! You can’t get more irrelevant than this blabbering twit.

My guess is that the geniuses at CPAC felt they needed to get as many black people into the act as they possibly could in order to spotlight their “racial diversity.” (As you’re probably aware, African Americans are quite the rarity among the screaming right wing fringe these days.)

Gee, I wonder why.

Uber-knucklehead Ted Cruz was there. Since arriving in Washington in January, this freshman senator from Texas has gone out of his way to show the American people that he is the second coming of Joe McCarthy. He has so many McCarthy-like mannerisms that I am utterly convinced that he has thoroughly studied the long-dead Wisconsin red-baiter.

Did you catch that incident a few weeks ago when he accused the now-Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, of somehow being in cahoots with the North Koreans? That was pure Joe McCarthy—with every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed! 

Keep your eye on Ted Cruz—his will be an interesting sideshow.

What if someone gave a speech and nobody came? Donald Trump found out the hard way. When his turn came to stand before the masses, the “masses” (so to speak) disappeared from view. The Donald was forced to give his little tirade before a room that was nearly devoid of human beings—it really was oodles of fun to watch.

To be fair, CPAC  is not affiliated with the Republican party —at least not officially. But, come one! We all know whose bread they are buttering. The interesting thing about the entire debacle is that it seems they didn’t even attempt to get their stories straight  when they went into this thing.

The big winner of the weekend was Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. According to him, the GOP isn’t right wing enough—that’s not what Florida’s Marco Rubio said.

The party is fine ‘n’ dandy just the way it is, thank you very much.

The highlight of the weekend was Mitt Romney pleading with the Republicans to learn from his mistakes; my guess is that they turned a deaf ear to him. Just wait. When this party attempts to “moderate” itself, it will disintegrate into a million pieces.

What we have here is the nucleus of the ideological thunderclap that will destroy and extinct the Republicans in a few years.

I cannot wait for 2016—I’m giddy with anticipation.




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Ed: Bryonie Wise



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