August 22, 2013

How Facing My Anger Brought Me to Peace. ~ Dana Jacoviello

When we think of anger, we think of a very negative emotion that can be dangerous to ourselves and other people in our lives.

Anger causes us to lose control if not balanced. It can also cause us to lose friendships and strain other relationships, including family.

Anger causes us to be blind to what we might be saying or how we are behaving. We all experience this; regardless of how positive, motivational, or inspiring we are, we can still fall prey to anger and negative emotions at times.

Sometimes, people know how to turn anger around and properly deal with it, and sometimes they do not. It can take training and years of maintenance to be able to manage it well.

People sometimes think that they are immune to normal human emotions; we might not see ourselves as coming across as angry, but those around us do. This is a signal that we need take care of ourselves, or at least take steps in that direction. It is when we do nothing that we give ourselves false hope and can then become entangled in a web of destruction.

It is much easier to continue with our regular lives, our regular jobs, which often include helping others rather than dealing with our own problems. But nobody stops doing what they love because they have personal life issues. How many times have we heard the same jokes about psychology professionals who see a professional themselves? We all need help and to reach out in our lives.

Holding a certain position or working in a particular field doesn’t make life’s trials and tribulations any easier.

That being said, I found myself in that situation a few times over the years. I fell into this category on and off for awhile until about a year ago.

All my life I wanted to make a difference, help, and give. I did not want anything in return except to be surrounded by amazing, real, genuine, and sincere people. Sometimes we want things so bad that we can’t recognize when they are right in front of us. We tend to be clouded in judgement due to past anger or resentment.

Through my many life experiences, I found peace in my anger in the end. I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but it is the truth. I don’t think I would be where I am or who I am now if I did not go through my anger.

I have a fond appreciation of it because of where it got me in my life and what it provided me with; it gave me truth, compassion, understanding, love, peace, authenticity, growth, and so much more.

It also gave me the confidence to follow so many goals and dreams that I had put on hold.

I embraced so many new tools and techniques that got me in touch with my anger and taught me how to balance it and use it in a positive way. Two of these tools are yoga and meditation. Once you find that inner peace and calm, anger becomes nothing more than a passing emotion. It doesn’t linger or cause unwanted stress and anxiety.

I used to push people away or out of my life. When we push too hard and they give you that space, sometimes we question or resent it later.

Then we get caught up in ways to numb ourselves, ignoring those feelings. But ignoring anger will only make it worse.

The only way to find peace in it is to feel it with all our heart and with our complete soul. Guidance through meditation and yoga played an important role in my overcoming these mixed emotions.

The self-reflection that I received from these tools provided a plethora of answers.

I learned how to not let people get to me, and I learned how to speak my mind. I used to be afraid to open my mouth at times for fear of confrontation, and it still happens occasionally; however, I don’t let that stop me in the end.

I will admit in speaking the truth, it can cause strain or be confused with being harsh or mean, but that is a personal opinion or perception and not necessarily the truth.

I am brutally honest with everybody in my life. When I was too nice or had my heart too open, this is when I would question everything and get angry.

You must have a healthy balance in your body of energy, emotions, and thoughts. One part of yourself can’t be more open than another, because it leaves vulnerable parts that should be more open or closed the complete opposite and vice versa. It sounds more complicated than it is. My meditation and daily practices of yoga and writing among others has helped me figure all this out. It guides me to a place where I can see with wide open eyes. My path is clear in my quiet time and space.

I was usually angrier with myself than with others, but this took a while to realize. The ‘scripts’ in our heads often tell other stories that never end up happening. Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear, but it is nothing more than being authentic and sharing how you feel.

It is important to just be cautious of how you come across. We want to be careful when treading in sensitive territory, which is where we might tend to just speak without thought. I was guilty of that on occasion and other times I felt I was justified; however, it is not about being justified even if the other person is wrong. It is about being free while maintaining proper execution. I used to hide all of that growing up and explode in such an unhealthy way.

Recognizing the anger and dealing with it is key to moving on. I would dwell and make the same mistakes over and over.

It is always better to speak aloud to others, rather than write to others about your anger or frustration, because writing to another can be misleading. We all text and email and chat and rarely speak these days, and this is why you hear all the stories of fights or misunderstandings. Most of all it causes miscommunication. You can’t build any type of real relationship this way with anybody. But writing in a journal just for ourselves can be healing.

In facing my anger, my demons, and my past, I was able to find a peace within myself that I never felt before. It was as if it all drained out of me in an instant.

I had some help from friends and doing the actual work and research, but it took time. I still work at it everyday, but it also gets easier everyday. I find no purpose in letting other people get to you in such a way. We are only giving them power and control. In making peace with my anger, I was able to open doors and live more openly and fully.

I was able to do my work that I have a great love and passion for that I had to stop until I found my purpose again. I think it is these truths and life experiences that helps us grow and others to grow. There is nothing better than living through something or using life as our tool to heal and recover.

A hands on experience is the best technique in working with others. The true knowledge comes from our sight. It doesn’t always come from a book or a piece of paper. We intertwine a variety of tools and techniques to use in our own lives and to share with others.

Sometimes the gift is in the pain.

The blessing comes from what we might see as a burden. Through my daily meditations I find so many answers and ‘aha’ moments.

I no longer see the anger as a negative part of myself, because it taught me to teach and help others.

I won’t tell you there are not times I still feel I have to prove my point or say one last thing or go back to something from ages ago, but for the most part I try to look forward. We all fall off track, and all we need to do is get back up and dust ourselves off.

I no longer fear anger; instead I embrace it and let it go.


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Asst Ed: Renee Picard / Ed: Bryonie Wise



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