I fell in love

With the idea of being loved

Comforted in knowing that I would be loved forever and ever, unconditionally

That I’d be loved despite my limitations, despite my fear, despite my insecurities,

Despite my wanting to be anyone but me.

 

I fell in love

With the notion of safety and stability

Assured that I’d be blanketed in love, be held with support, be lightened with kindness

That I would never have to be alone, on my own, with my thoughts

With my thoughts that whispered in my ear, declaring I am undeserving, undesirable, undone.

 

I fell in love

With the idea of being heard

Thankful that I would have my innermost thoughts acknowledged, my experiences known

That I could whisper my deepest, darkest secrets to you, and you would listen, you would process,

Reflecting back that you are grateful to know me one ounce more

 

I fell in love

With the sense of belonging

Belonging to you, and you to me, to belonging together

To forever holding hands, and growing, experiencing our journey as one

Growing old in your arms, and you in mine

 

I fell in love

With the desire to be in love

Ignoring the signs, the gestures, the void that told me otherwise

That told me I had crafted a beautiful imagery of a life I didn’t have, that wasn’t mine, that wouldn’t be

That screamed before I love you, I must love me.

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Assist. Ed: Jade Belzberg/Ed: Sara Crolick

{photo: via Aby Bornation}