April 4, 2014

Lust & Laughter. ~ Debra Faith Warshaw

Love and Laughter

I can’t imagine anything more erotic than sharing a moment of pain inducing, breath inhibiting, deep, heartfelt, connected laughter with my lover.

The kind of laughter that makes it impossible to breathe and has me mercifully begging my partner to stop egging it on.

Laughter, whether to that extreme or not, makes for incredible foreplay. Even thinking about it as I type this brings a shimmy to my hips and a warm hum to my innards. Deep, soulful belly laughing connects us in a way that we genuinely feel as being special. It fires up our souls and feels so damn good because it’s real, it’s intimate, it’s authentic and it’s vulnerable.

It’s not everyone that you can share this type of laughter with though, and because we inherently know this, it adds another layer of specialness to the experience.

It’s a very specific type of connection that you just can’t have with everyone. I can count on one hand the number of people currently in my life that I can laugh with in this way. It’s a rare and special gift.

Most of us when dating do tend to place sense of humor pretty high up on our list of things we look for in a partner, but rarely do we think about how our humor will actually mesh. The organic chemistry involved is not unlike physical chemistry; we will have it, or we won’t.

Can it be developed and nurtured together?

Yes, I do believe it can, to a degree, but our funny bones are somewhat hard wired, and for the most part, pretty established by adulthood.

Is our funny bone chemistry as important as the physical one? I believe it is, perhaps even more so. If we feel physically attracted to someone that will probably not have much bearing on our compatibility around humor. But if we share deep, profound laughter together it can certainly serve as a powerful aphrodisiac. It is a love language completely unique to the two people experiencing it and when it clicks it has the potential for soul to soul, heart to heart connection and life long bonding.

In addition, and similarly to conflict resolution, laughter plays a big role in predicting our ability to have a healthy relationship. The quantity and quality of laughter with our lover is critical in determining our ability to get through the tougher stuff, which inevitably comes down the road in any long-term relationship.

Laughter really is the best medicine.

It’s a cliché with loads of scientifically proven merit behind it. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have for our health and well being. In 1979 Norman Cousins released his famous best seller “Anatomy of an Illness” which credited laughter as being one of the main reasons he was able to tap into the body/mind connection and cure himself of a life threatening illness.

Laughter makes us feel happy.

It reduces our levels of stress hormones like cortisol and increases our levels of pleasure hormones like endorphins. Laughter opens up new neuro-pathways, which enable us to feel more pleasure. Orgasms,  come more easily.

I haven’t had many moments like this with lovers in my past. I’ve been with “pranksters,” “the witty, one liner guy,” “the teaser,” “the joker,” “the clown,” “the cackler,” “the chuckler” and “the howler,” but it’s been a long time since I’ve had the “stop it, I can’t breathe anymore guy” in my life. I have a few friends and family members that I get to occasionally experience this with, and that’s how I know I’m “one of those.” One of those that can, because being able to laugh like that is not something everyone does. There are those who can and do, and those who don’t or won’t.

Laughter like that requires feeling a certain amount of freedom within. It requires a willingness to lose control and takes a certain amount of trust and ability to let down our guard. It’s not everyone’s barrel of monkeys.

But regardless of how deep the level of laughter goes between us; it is an undeniable vehicle for love, healing and connection.

Let’s face it; stimulating the limbic system through laughter is much more powerful and long lasting than stimulating it through the genitals alone.

And besides, an orgasm that’s achieved via the path of laughter is truly the ultimate punch line.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Apprentice Editor: Sarvasmarana Ma Nithya / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Flickr


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