April 2, 2014

Resisting What’s Good For Us at the First Sign of Chaos.

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Warning: naughty language ahead!

I like to think of myself as a spiritually connected and grounded person.

I am connected to myself and listen to my heart. I can feel the energy move through me and I am conscious and aware of when I become disconnected. I usually see the signs of chaos before shit really hits the fan. Why is it then, that when I see the signs and feel the inner turmoil begin to bubble, that I sometimes just let it happen?

I let the inner chaos rise to the surface and resist all of the things that I know will re-ground me.

Now I’m not talking all the time. A lot of the time I see the signs and nip them in the bud before things get out of control and all hell breaks loose.

It’s the other times I’m talking about. I resist my yoga practice and I resist writing, two of the most important ways for me to remain grounded. I think for me, as is likely the case with a lot of other people, I just don’t want to spend that time alone with myself.

Signs of chaos typically mean that you’re fighting some sort of inner, emotional battle—and I don’t know about you, but I know I don’t want to sit and feel all of the uncomfortable emotions that are bubbling to the surface when that happens. My natural instinct was to shut down when inner turmoil started brewing or to just flat out ignore it and hoped whatever the problem was would go away.

I have learned, however, that not only is it not healthy for me to do that, it’s also not healthy for those around me either.

I find that when something happens to trigger these uncomfortable emotions, I often turn my head the other way and hope that it just disappears. Most of us don’t like facing the big, bad, emotional beast and that’s why I am often resistant to spending the time along writing or doing yoga.

During these times, as many of you know you are forced to just “be.” You are forced to sit with your feelings, feel them, observe them and then I find that I start to analyze them and then judge them and that, my friends, evokes a whole other beast.

My point is that you have to sit with it, feel it and observe it and none of that is ever usually pleasant or comfortable. Well, at least not for me.

I am in a constant state of growth and learning. I challenge myself every day to relax into the areas of my life that not so comfortable, yet. The more I do this, the easier it will be to face the big stuff but also the little stuff too. Now I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or fun, however, I would like to invite you to do the same.

I would like to invite you to ease into the discomfort and learn to not make it your enemy. Challenge yourself to sit and observe, don’t judge, and just be with that side of you that may not be so pleasant.

In time, you won’t dread spending time with the beast.



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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Radhika Ravindran/Pixoto

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