“Not all those who wander are lost.”
~ J.R.R. Tolkien
Two years ago, the end of a long-term relationship left me feeling like damaged goods. At that time, in my 30s, I felt I’d gone past my expiration date, having spent seven years—of what I thought were my best—with him.
Sadly and sillily, I wondered if anyone would or could love me again? Could they accept my light-to-heavy snoring? Would they understand my need for lots of personal space? And, would they be able to handle the ebb and flow of my neurotic thoughts?
Yes, they could love me and, yes, I will again be united with someone in a healthy and complicated relationship, loving me for who I am.
But, I recently realized, until that day arrives, I most definitely need to be tapping into the joy of being single right now. I need to saddle up to the idea that I have the space and freedom now to get some things off the ole’ bucket list!
So, a new feeling of confidence and lust for life has washed over me, giving me rise to bask in all my single-hood glory.
Below is a list that was unintentionally created, yet observed in my life. This list is for anyone looking for a healthy nudge to have a little fun. This list is a guide to enjoyment, before we commit—once again—whole-heartedly, to another person.
Let’s dive in:
1. Take a young lover—at this point in our lives we want to be able to take command and show some of our know-how to get exactly what we want.
2. Inhale marijuana—trust me, try this. And then take a yoga class. Enough said.
3. Travel solo—there is something sexy about traveling solo as a single female. We can do whatever we want, when we want. If we feel lonely, we can find someone to chat with and leave them when the craving is satisfied.
4. Buy a motor bike—Having the freedom to hop around from one location to another is quite thrilling, plus, it’s better for the environment.
5. Masturbate often—Let’s get to know our bodies. Play, watch and possibly record? Then, delete right away!
6. Push our boundaries/get uncomfortable—write poetry and try other things that make you feel weird.
7. Eat chocolate for breakfast—we can do this in a relationship, but there is something super sweet about waking up single and eating chocolate for breakfast—just sayin’!
8. Help someone heal—this time of deep awareness and understanding is not all about us—mostly! Take time to help others in need. Volunteer. Provide a nice pat on the back, or be super present in conversation with a stranger or a family member.
When we have breaks from our relationships, we are tied to no one. So, we should take risks, be open to new possibilities, be honest about who we are and what we can offer. Create space for ourselves, in the most authentic way.
Let’s embrace these times and be good to ourselves. Go forth now. You have the tools!
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Rachel Nussbaum