May 20, 2014

How to Tell if You are Having Enough Sex. ~ Jerry Stocking


Too many people live alone…even if they live with someone…

I shouldn’t have to sell you on sex. But I do. Few people are having enough sex or enough passion. And without enough sex or passion they often know something is missing, but they have no idea what.

Jim and Jean, an above average couple in many ways, have been married for eight years. They are in their early thirties, work out, are upwardly mobile and make a good looking/successful pair.

But they haven’t had sex in months and they hardly ever touch. Their relationship has become platonic and at some point something has to give. They aren’t happy with their “situation.”

Imagine Doritos without salt or that cheesy powder that gets on your fingers, or a vacation while you are on a diet or a world without butter or butter substitutes…

If you had never had any of these things you wouldn’t miss them, but you still might, and most people do, live with the nagging thought that life could be better or more passionate or off the charts ggggggggggggreat…

Your “new” life, with everything you want begins here and now…

There’s a secret.

In the past 35 years of leading workshops I have seen it all. I have seen people do the craziest things to make their lives better.

I have seen a guy meditate for many hours a day, and a woman eat nothing but nuts and kale while remaining celibate. I have seen seekers give thousands of dollars to gurus who use the money to buy fast cars and fancy cigars. I have seen people take long vows of silence, undertake interminable physical challenges, journey to India, walk over red hot coals and even commune with dolphins.

People do the darndest things in the guise of improving their lives. However nothing seems to work, until now.

The secret to what will make your life better is simple. It doesn’t require you to fly across the world or even cross the street. You can even do it in bed…

I am embarrassed and proud to say that it took me 61 years to discover this secret.

This secret caught me completely by surprise…

The secret is having enough sex…

Why Sex?

Usually there is traffic congestion in Atlanta, but the two+ person car pool lane flows freely. So many people are riding alone in their cars; these same people are living their lives alone, lonely or only tenuously connected to another.

Too many people live alone…even if they live with someone…

Sex ensures skin on skin time with someone special. It perfectly pacifies longing and loneliness. Best of all, it quiets your mind!

You don’t have to be tall to have sex or smart or rich or have a good job. Sex is an equal opportunity to tune into deeper aspects of yourself. My years working with thousands of clients has made it abundantly clear that few people are having much sex, let alone enough sex.

But what makes sex important is that people are crazy about sex…

That is good news because even a little more sex yields a huge increase in quality of life.

What is Enough?

Having enough sex isn’t just about having more sex.

Enough sex isn’t measured in minutes or hours or orgasms, simply because it is more art than punching a time clock. Enough sex inspires you, makes you more curious, peaceful and delighted.

You will know when you are having enough sex because you will want to say “yes” to everything. You won’t care if it is cloudy or rainy, even sleet is your friend when you are having enough sex.

Enough sex cures existential angst and puts a grin on your face and a spring in your step.

Having Enough Sex and Passion

Jim and Jean are busy, but they both know something is missing. They lack passion and life lived without passion isn’t life at its best.

Ralph Waldo Emerson knew this when he wrote:

“Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant.”

Martha Graham said:

“Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.”

The philosopher Hegel said:

“Nothing great in the world has even been accomplished without passion.”

Jim and Jean are on their way to a passionless life. They can live without passion, but they can’t live well, excitedly or fully without it.

Enough sex looks a lot like enlightenment, the satisfied grin, the peacefulness, the easy laughter and the embracing of change. It is no accident it looks like this because when you get enough sex your body is happy, and when your body is happy your mind isn’t far behind. So when your mind and body are both dancing to the same sweet tune, you are well on your way to enlightenment.

Having enough sex frees you from the ties that bind you. It has you breathe more freely and laugh more deeply. Get curious what it would be like to have enough sex. To have so much sex that you walk around sexually satisfied and also filled to the brim with passion.

Welcome to Prison

Not having enough sex is a bit like being in prison. It deprives your body of what it needs: closeness, love and pleasure. It makes your mind work overtime searching for satisfaction in all the wrong places.

I was sitting on the back steps one day and noticed some ants.

They formed a line carrying parts of a dead grasshopper home. Self-sacrificing Olympians all; they carry several times their own weight, unlikely to share in a single bite of their booty. I was distracted from the ants as my neighbor pulled out of his driveway, kids aboard. He will drop them off at school; he will then head to work. He has a cup of coffee in one hand and a crust of bagel in the other (bread and water).

He too is carrying more than his own weight. He is juggling family, friends, work, finances, romance, exercise and more. He is in prison sure as can be, and he can’t get out.

He is trapped, incarcerated.

But he can get out, and he doesn’t have to sell his belongings at a garage sale for two cents on the dollar, leave his wife, desert his kids and quit his job to do so. He needs to have more sex to get out of his minimum security prison.

That’s it…more sex.

My friend John, the emergency room doctor, will tell you that during sex your physiology changes. Your galvanic skin response, your brain waves, practically everything about you changes for the better. He will also let you know that the side effects of more sex are wildly positive. You burn calories during sex, and you power up your endorphins too. Sex is the perfect exercise with a partner.

Don’t even get John started talking about the power of orgasms. They give you a fresh start, a new lease on every aspect of your life while bringing you into the moment.

If there were a pill that generated such wonderment everybody would be taking it. And yet sex is right there patiently waiting for you to notice…

Sometimes I would call John and ask him if he would prescribe more sex for me. “Yes” was his answer. With a doctor’s prescription in hand, I followed his orders and felt more connected, lighter and happier.

Your Prison

Ants don’t know they are ants or that they are working their tails off. You probably notice that you are busy, but without enough sex you won’t really discover how trapped you are.

Sex snuck up on me, and it didn’t do so overnight. It took me months of being able to have sex anytime for me to discover how often I wanted it. You have to have all you want before you can even imagine the benefits of having enough…

Having enough sex is your “get out of jail free” card.

You are an escape artist, but before you can get out of prison you have to discover that you are in prison.

The absence of guards and bars has you think you are free when nothing could be further from the truth. Your days are filled with things you “must” do. Probably without the recognition you would like for doing them, and likely with little experience of fulfillment.

It is so easy to stay busy from morning to night as what you have to do expands to fill free time. By evening you are too tired to have sex and have just enough energy to watch the last episode of Breaking Bad. Without time for sex or intimacy, you become uptight and stressed out. Soon, you aren’t having much fun.

However, you can escape from your busy prison, and more sex will help you do just that…

Relephant bonus:



6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex. 



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Apprentice Editor: Ola Weber/Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: Flickr via Lianne Viau

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