You know what it is not ok to say anymore? That you are looking for love.

We singletons get told all sorts of well-meaning things if we say we want to find love:

“You have to be love yourself first.”
“If you are coming from lack or want, it won’t happen.”
“You have to be ok being on your own.”
“There is a reason you are single/you are manifesting this/you create your own reality.”

Well, I am going to say, “Stop!”

I have heard them all, I have worked through them to at least a reasonable degree and I want to reclaim the other side. I am going to say that I am looking for love. I know I am tired of loving with nobody to love.

I am looking for Great Love.

Yes, I “trust the journey,” yes, I know there are no wrong paths and yes, I know everything is perfect just the way it is… and yes, I have had enough of platitudes, yes, I have walked the alone path for long enough and yes, I now want something different.

Something connected. Something evolutionary.

You see, I had Great Love once (long story and he left, not because it wasn’t still Great Love, but because he had to go and figure out how to be a Great Man on his own) and I want nothing less. I deserve nothing less.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a soul mate. Not because I am incomplete, but in order to dance in my completeness. With another complete and whole soul. I can vouch that being whole and ok by yourself has an expiry date! I have been single for most of 10 years—I think that is more than long enough of being whole and alone.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a friend because I have done the alone thing for a really long time. Sure, I am whole on my own and can keep being whole on my own, but that doesn’t mean I have to or want to be on my own forever. I want someone to grow with, someone to help me see the parts of myself that don’t get used when I am on my own.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a partner with whom to spend my time, not because I don’t like my own company, but to expand my thoughts, challenge my beliefs and grow my outlook. A partner in adventures, a partner for dinner, a partner to play with. I have booked enough tickets for one.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a bed partner, not because I cannot please myself, but to be taken outside of myself. To connect my energy with another in a moment of joy, taking us both out of our minds and into our hearts. And yes, for sex. Not just one-night-stand sex, not just hey-we-are-friends sex, but let’s-connect-and-learn-together sex.

And so I am looking.

Yes, I am looking. And it is ok. I have been through the stages of not-looking, not-wanting and not-needing. I have worked on myself, traveled by myself, dated myself, loved myself—I have done all of these things, several times, over and in cycles. Really—10 years. Sure, I have dated in bits and pieces, but nothing that would be called a relationship.

I am sure I am not the only one. Understandably though, unless you have also been chronically single, I may not always be receptive to your reassurances that I am fine. Yes, I am fine, I am whole, I am happy. And I am looking.

So please don’t give me any more clichés about the way my life is perfect the way it is.

I have the right to want more. I have a yearning inside of me that I want to be able to share without being told I must not love myself enough. Please don’t tell me that I am single so I can work on myself. I am up-to-date with my self. As much as any person can be.

So I am looking for love.

 

 

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Author’s Own