November 8, 2014

To my Next Love.

woman on boat

I’ve been working hard to make it here, to you.

To this content, exciting, hard earned place where I don’t know “who” but more importantly “what” you—my next love–will and will not be.

For starters, you’re not the “one,” whatever that means. You are not a one final stop. You are a destination and a beginning.

Besides, everyone is “the one.”

There’s the person that taught me trust—broken and repaired, broken and lost, the one I found behind the thing I was afraid of, the one where I tried, unsuccessfully, to get around that thing, and the one when I finally, successfully, went through it.

There’s the one that introduced me to my favorite band and my favorite position. And there are the ones that simply taught me about you.

You. You are made up of some crazy cockeyed pattern of stars that compliments mine in a way that brings out my soul.

I don’t know exactly what that will look like (that would spoil the fun) but I do know that if we match, you must be pretty darn awesome.

Because this crazy cockeyed pattern of mine, it is finally solid, strong, unrelenting. It does not hide, lie, yield. It does not settle. It does not wait.

And lemme tell ya, it ain’t easy to look this good.

And by good, I certainly don’t mean shiny and flawless and new.

Frankly that’s not good at all.

No, the good ones are ragged and worn.

We are dirty (in more ways than one). We jump in with both feet and we have the scars to prove it. We are bloody and bruised and wounded and healed again and again. And we are recharged after a well earned rest.

We cry hard and laugh harder—often in that order.

This path leading me to you, had rough terrain, no doubt, but the map was really just one big straight line. It always pointed in one direction—to the dark scary parts of this infinite ocean we call ourselves. It always leads me in.

And that’s where I’ve been—learning to swim, float, tread water. This is where I discovered where and where not to find you.

I’ve learned that my lovers won’t be found hiding out on a safe dry boat.

I’ve jumped out of those hiding places and in some cases I’ve been pushed out (thanks M). It wasn’t always pretty. But it all leads me closer, to me and to you.

Water always finds its own level. And we will find each other in the deep end.

And when we meet, we will merge and become a fierce current, like lightning.

We will dance with the tide towards new horizons. And we will keep swimming, together and apart. Because that’s our nature, we are fluid.

When you find me I’ll be busy, I’ll be moving, so you’d better be fast.

I certainly won’t be waiting. I’m looking forward to us. But I’ve got plenty to do, so there’s no rush.

~ The waves, pulling us under, bringing us in, guiding us home.



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Author: Jenny Spitzer

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: wikipedia

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