My husband and I recently found out that we’re having a baby boy.
It was a great relief to learn that our baby’s development is perfectly healthy and right on track. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders and even cried happy tears as we left the doctor’s office.
Later on that night I found new things to worry about.
Like, to circumcise or not to circumcise?
And, how will we handle the incredible amount of energy that young boys tend to have (add a crazy Gemini on top of that)?
From everything I’ve read, he’s destined to pull his penis out in public around three years old and will never want to put it away again.
I am an only child and didn’t have many close guy friends until college. I seem to relate better to men as an adult, but I still feel absolutely clueless on how to raise a boy into a stand up guy.
At the moment, the only bonus I’m seeing is that with no experience comes no expectation. I might expect a girl to be like I was growing up. Raising a boy is completely unknown territory. It’s both terrifying and exciting. Either way, I knew the job of parenting would be unparalleled to anything I’ve ever done. Might as well be a boy.
My friends and family tell me that we’ll be great parents, like they know something that I don’t. I know that regardless of my confidence level, I must tell myself that I will be a good mother. But it honestly doesn’t help when people say, “Raising a boy is easy. So much better than raising a girl. You’ll do great.”
I think this is part of the problem.
Raising a boy should not be easy. These days, there is so much emphasis placed on how to raise a girl so she grows up feeling strong, empowered and capable of doing anything a man can do. On the flip side of this, I see a big responsibility to raise a boy who is as sensitive, caring, inclusive, and observant as any female.
I want to inspire my son to put his privilege of being born as a white male in a free country to extraordinary use. I want him to be a change-maker, a conscious leader and someone that both men and women look to as a role model for how to show up in the world.
I want all of these things for him and at the same time I want him to be whoever he wants to be. I want him to be wild and free and creative and reckless and passionate. I want him to travel and read and be good at Jeopardy.
Most of all, I want him to feel safe and deeply loved. I want him to be healthy both physically and emotionally.
I suppose I actually do have a lot of expectations. And most of these things are completely out of my control. I imagine that in my daily conversations with the Universe, I’ll be asking for the strength to accept whatever challenges we face when some or all of these expectations are inevitably not met.
Because there will be hard times and complications. That’s just part of life. I just refuse to prepare myself for the worst. Because even if the worst happens, I’ll still be devastated. So I might as well prepare for the best.
And a small part of me knows that no matter what happens, all will be well and all of this is meant to be. In fact, it’s been in the making for sometime now.
In September of 2012, long before I was even considering having a child, a tarot card reader told me that after my mom died, I would create something beautiful in her honor, with the help of my husband.
The last card she placed on the table foretold that our great work of art would be a baby boy.
I know that his existence will be a masterpiece no matter how his soul takes shape because he is a product of deep and genuine love that spans many generations.
Author: Megan Ridge Morris
Photos: Courtesy of Aquarian_Insight/Flickr