April 9, 2015

The Benefits of Being Present in Relationships.


Living in the here and now is the only way to experience true happiness.

When we are in a relationship and there are problems, we are often focusing too much on the past or the future and are forgetting about the present moment.

Now is the only time that we are ever going to experience true emotion. Looking forward or back in time will only either conjure up false illusions of the past and future or our selective memories will create a deluded image instead of seeing the reality.

Therefore, it is highly important not to let the past or future threaten the present moment. We should focus on enjoying each moment we are given to spend with our partner.

To experience an enriching relationship, we must first appreciate living in the present. When we live in the now, we achieve so much more and the benefits for our own well-being and also for our relationships are vast. We truly connect with the reality of life when in the present moment, rather than perceiving how things were or will be.

When we can engage with what is happening in the moment, we can experience true joy and emotion that aren’t fueled by fear, worries or regrets.

Living in the present moment takes a little practice and there will be many times when the mind will skip forward or back. When this happens, we just need to trigger the thoughts to remind ourselves to discard any wandering thoughts and relax in the now.

We miss out on so much by not being aware of what is happening in the present moment. Often we are so busy multi-tasking and juggling life’s many demands that we fail to notice the really important things that are happening right before us. Our minds become so full of nonsense that we find it hard to process the simplest of details and this causes life to pass us by without having a great deal of meaning to it.

The only thing that is real and accessible is what is happening now. It is also the only thing that we have any control over. The past has gone, the future is not yet here, so we should be making the most of what we have here in this very moment. We can’t live in the past or the future, so it is pointless allowing our minds to live there.

Worrying about things that have happened or things that we fear will happen in the future causes us distress and anxiety and just serves to further prevent us from being present in the moment. Simply by becoming consciously aware of the thoughts that are swirling around our minds is the easiest way to achieve being present. As we take notice of our thoughts, we can begin to discard any negative ones that aren’t connected to the present and instead only focus on how it feels to be fully present.

When we continuously press repeat on negative thinking from the past or about the future, we continuously recreate painful and destructive scenarios, when instead we should be concentrating on what is happening now, as that is the only thing that is of any importance.

We can lose so much of life’s experiences simply by not keeping the mind focused on the present moment. When we recognise our mind jumping into the past or into the future, we can slowly and gently nudge it back towards the present moment. We can learn to avoid what is known as the “monkey mind”—the constant chatter in the back of our mind, that prevents us from fully relaxing in the moment.

Just by concentrating on our breathing and letting go of any thoughts that are not connected to the moment, are the easiest ways to bring the mind back to the hear and now.

When our lives are in a routine, it can very easy to switch to autopilot and go through the day without paying full attention to everything that is going on around us, including our partners, which can cause us to take everything for granted and fail to appreciate what we have.

We should take care to entirely appreciate being in the moment, as it is the only moment we will ever have. The ones from the past have gone and the future ones are not yet here.

Being in the present moment is also beneficial for emotional awareness.

When we are focused on what is happening now, we feel the reality of the emotions that are connected to it. Sometimes this can be uncomfortable if we are going through a particularly painful or stressful time. However, it is much better to be fully present and aware so that we can deal with things with a clear and focused mind.

We can from time to time, reflect on the past so that we can avoid making repeated mistakes and also enjoy reliving precious moments. Similarly, we should also take some time out to think about and make plans for the future to reach our goals and ambitions. Whenever we go into the past or future though, we should try to retain a connection with how we feel in the present moment to ensure our reflections represent a true reflection.

When we live not fully present in the given moment, our ego takes over, which will try to tell us that we are not good enough, or too good, or basically anything other that what we actually are. The ego creates a false persona and the only way to have any control over it is to be in the present moment, aware of whom we are and how we are feeling. By doing this, we will gain a clearer sense of all that is going on around us and we will have greater clarity as to the true state of our relationships and a better insight into any problems that may need working on.

To prevent the ego from controlling our thoughts, all we need to do is keep ourselves aware, gently nudging ourselves back into the moment every time we feel our mind drifting. We will instantly have a clearer perspective on what is surrounding us and we will feel lighter as we will no longer be carrying the weight from the past or from the future.

We just need to simply, take a breath, let go of any attachments to thoughts we may be having, bring the mind to the moment and experience how we feel right now—without anything else clouding our thoughts.

It really is that easy, and the more often we practice it, the easier and more natural it will become over time. One day, without even realising, we then suddenly find ourselves living in the present moment without having to be consciously aware and without having to regularly shift the mind. While in the present, we have far more control over not only our relationships, but over every other aspect of our lives too.



The Simple Technique that Changed My Life.


Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/Claudia Gabriela Marques


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