I sugar coat words
to disguise the bitterness
in my mouth.

You’ll never know the truth
unless you kiss me
but I’ll never let you.

I can’t handle commitment
but at least I’m honest about it.

I’ll smile at you,
I’ll be dreamy,
Even crave your touch.

Brush my hands against yours
by mistake, on purpose.

I will not write you letters
or bring you cute gifts
or tell you I love you.

You don’t need that disorientation.
You don’t need gestures
that confuse the hell out of you.

Attachment is a monster
that lays under my bed
packed in those boxes
with “fragile” written on them.

I can’t seem to get rid of it.
I carry them around
every time I leave.

It frightens me
even though I crave dried rose
between the pages
of my favorite book.

I crave compliments
and random texts at 3 a.m.

I crave faint whispers that make
everything you say
sound like “I love you,”
even though it might be
“You look lovely today“.

If you need reminding
that our love was insanely true
just read this poem I wrote for you.

I called it bittersweet
because I may have been bitter
but you were always sweet.

Forgive me if I’m confusing,
I never mean to be.

There’s a labyrinth inside my head
that I make constant attempts to escape.

There’s a battle between
my heart and brain.

Between two verbs,
I want to,
I have to,
I need to figure it out.

~

Author: Rawan Hani Khalil

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: Dee Ashley/Flickr