We never had affection.

Or really cared.

At least,

That’s what I tell myself.

It’s easier to believe

We were not meant

For this collision,

This cross on our paths.

 

It is better to think,

That all we once had,

Was a shared resonance.

The same desire

To be part of the strongest pack.

 

We knew we’d find strength

In numbers.

You and I.

A pack of two.

Our own wolf pack.

It’s all we had ever wanted.

It would have been

more than enough.

We would have made magic.

Burned with the stars.

We could have brought

Our barren forest

And naked souls,

Back to flourishing life.

 

But instead,

We were both looking out

For each other’s weakness.

We fought like war,

Two opponents

Enemies at times.

 

We’d never stand in a line

As comrades.

Side by the other’s side.

No.

We battled against

What should and could have been ours.

 

We were too caught up,

In our own selfish needs.

So desperate to uncover,

Where demons hid.

We thought it too risky.

To align with another,

Who had imperfections.

Which would have forced us

To question our own.

 

Those high expectations

Became the curse that would hold us.

Grip us so tight,

Hold us to ransom

And prevent any peace

To ensure that we never could bond.

 

Our current was strong,

It pushed and it pulled,

And threw us around.

Magnetised powerfully,

Repelled forcefully.

 

We were tested

And time after time we failed.

A unique connection?

No.

Unconditional love?

No, not us.

We looked for unique weaknesses,

Or even disdain.

We tore each other apart.

We could have been

An indestructible alliance.

Though, it’s easier to destroy,

Rather than to build.

 

And even though,

We swore and

Vowed we were different.

To all the others.

That came before.

We were not.

 

We were a mess.

So very afraid.

Of the reflection

We saw in each other’s eyes.

We lived in terrifying fear.

Petrified,

To try to exist in the abyss

That would have uncovered

Our masked and well-hidden flaws.

 

We’d sooner bite at the other,

And spit out the remnants.

Distastefully.

With a cold

And callous disregard.

We’d rather run with coyotes

Than follow the other’s lead.

To flourish and finally be fed.

 

We escaped from ourselves

Not from each other.

When we caged and veiled our hearts.

 

We are two lone wolves.

Destined to roam,

Never to settle.

 

Never to… (dare I say it)

Love.

 

We’d rather admit defeat.

We are far too alone to admit.

And so

We struggle to survive.

Without the other,

Though this we would never admit.

We would rather continue

Our journey through the wild,

Treacherous,

And vast terrain.

 

Although we are distant

We are caught in a vicious and violent snare.

Trapped by the other.

Carelessly ripping at wounds.

 

We could simply release

And free

One another.

Maybe try once more,

To unite.

 

But no,

Although we’re in pain

And slowly bleeding to death

We’d rather tear at our flesh and

Gnaw our own bones to escape.

~

Relephant Reads:

The Practice of Peaceful Abiding.

~

Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/Jeremy Weber