What’s sexier than a man who knows what he wants and how to get it?
Allow me to share an obsession of mine: gentlemen.
I’ve written about gentlemen before, and what I think makes a man deserving of that title.
The short list includes manners, confidence in their place in the scheme of things, kindness, strength of character.
The topic of men, their persuasions, passions and needs has become recent dinner time talk for my partner and me.
I am fortunate and grateful to be married to a man who knows his own heart and lives by it. He is a constant source of inspiration to me, and when I need him to be, a good sounding board for my writings, especially as they pertain to men.
After all, being one, he would be more of an expert than I.
When I was younger, I had quite the dour outlook on the world of men.
I loved them, don’t get me wrong—indeed, needed them—but had limited expectations of what men were capable of.
My level of expectation was due partly to experiences I had had, but more broadly from what I heard from women in general. I wondered if there was any one woman out there who had kind things to say about men, or who did not expect the worst sooner or later in a relationship.
Of course there were those optimistic women, it’s not like I had polled the world, it’s just that the prevailing sentiment directed toward men was that they were untrustworthy, shallow and incapable of great intimacy.
So, not good, right? This bothered me a great deal. I wondered how much of women’s low opinion of men affected how men viewed and presented themselves.
Were our expectations driving what kind of men we would attract?
Were we indeed ready for a gentleman, or were we also a work in progress and unable to connect with that guy even if he were standing right in front of us?
Another thought I had was that, when we are young, we are often with young men who, like us, are still evolving into their mature self, and by this experience we become jaded and generalize that all men are somewhat lacking in those things we imagine a man should be.
In addition to this, I propose that we’ve been unfair to men as a boomerang effect of how men over the centuries have marginalized women. It’s an expected reaction, but not one that has served us well.
My partner says that men, like all things on the planet, are evolving toward higher consciousness.
Some examples of this can be seen in the way the modern man has become more involved with his children; his desire to work for a cause, not only for a wage, and his tend to spend more quality time with their spouses.
He also says that women tend to evolve more quickly than men because they are connected to Source in a more intimate way, through the process of pregnancy and birthing. When I asked him why, he answered that because of the womb, which is the cauldron of all creation, women are innately intuitive, and that intuitiveness gives them insights that men are not privy to.
He went on to say that men have always been afraid of women’s magic and this is why they have kept them underfoot. Unfortunately, this fear became part of religious dogma, and as such is difficult to erase from the human condition.
Still, I like to imagine that, as a species, both men and women are capable of great things, including the thing of cultivating better love relationships.
We have our differences, to be sure. For one, men view financial stability with the same perspective that women view long term relationships, which explains why the two seem to be in separate corners of a never ending wrestling match. But as a team, imagine what can be accomplished if we allow the other to be good at what they’re good at, instead of letting it become a dividing factor.
It’s all about co-operation, and both partners must be doing the co-operating. Women tend to give more than their fair share and then complain that they’re being taken advantage of. I say, expect more, allow more to flow into your experience.
Back to my obsession.
Gentlemen, in my opinion are deep, sensual, intelligent beings who are inspired by women who offer them these four things:
Emotional Intimacy (love squared)
Sex (you know the kind)
Intelligence (they really do want to have those conversations)
Respect (treat them as you would be treated yourself)
What do I mean by love squared? Is love not enough?
Not really. Love, the emotion, is the base ingredient. It is a feeling. Feelings are unstable. Add some substance to that and you’ll find emotional intimacy.
A deep intimacy is based on the desire to offer another human the most sacred part of yourself. That sacred part is honest, forthcoming, your wild side, your vulnerable side, the One that resides within the inner sanctum of your soul.
When that part of you is exposed and given freely you have emotional intimacy. This takes courage.
A gentleman will recognize your gift and cherish it. Gentlemen require this kind of sharing, they crave it and more than this, they will offer it back.
Honor them with the best part of yourself.
Sex Without Borders
A man who understands himself and his needs is not shy to ask for what he wants. If a man is going to share his intensity with you, he wants intensity in return. Men need sex. If they want to simply have a discussion over dinner every night they can do that with their sister.
You, on the other hand, are what he wants to capture and devour. Play that game with him and you won’t be disappointed.
Sex with a confident, well mannered, intelligent man is like no other.
Gentlemen know how to take their time before they go in for the kill. I suggest you do so as well.
Learn the landscape of your man’s body and offer him things that will show him you are truly interested. Intimacy and spiritual bonds are deepened when a man sees that you are in it for him as well.
Whatever you do to him, do it with passion.
Make sweet love to him when he needs it, but you know that the rest of the time he’s going to want to f*ck. He’s going to want you down and dirty and breathless.
There’s no point in denying that he’s the predator and you’re his prey. He may have manners suitable for a boardroom, but his desires dictate something less polite. This does not make him an animal, this makes him real. Love him as he is.
A smart man is an interesting man. The same goes for women. I despise that old stereotype of men being interested in vapid, over-done sex-bombs with nothing to say except to hang on a man’s every word.
Believe it or not, we are not entirely done with this scenario. Some men do prefer that type, and all to their detriment because nobody is evolving within those confines.
Gentlemen, on the other hand, adore women with wisdom and a voice to share.
Give him what he wants. Delight him with conversation, your inspired ideas, share books; keep him guessing about what stirs your mind.
I can assure you that an intelligent woman is sexy as hell. He thinks so and will find innumerable ways to show you that he does.
Don’t be afraid that he will feel intimidated by your brainy prowess. If we keep thinking that way, we’ll never progress as equals.
While it’s fun to play a game in the bedroom of “who’s on top,” men who truly value women will get bored if you keep your smarts under wraps. So get brain naked! Show him all you’ve got.
Part of being a gentleman is being respectful. Respectful with words and actions that is. Men who truly understand this still…
Listen to you wholeheartedly
Speak well of you in or out of your company
Voice their opinion but refrain from being rude and crude to their lady love (I swear I am not an addict of Jane Austen or Mr. D’Arcy.)
Take your needs and wants into consideration while considering theirs.
Honor your desire to be the best you can be and support your dreams.
So this is easy peasy. You do it too. And send him some flowers while you’re at it.
Respect is important to a man. That’s just the way it is. While I agree that respect is earned, I also believe that men who are disrespected are not inspired towards intimacy. The two breed each other. So why not reap the rewards of that pairing?
We’re in this together. Let’s have fun and enjoy the best of what we have to offer.
Author: Monika Carless
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Wikimedia Commons