July 23, 2015

Where the Hell is my Patience?

Screenshot 2015-07-22 15.05.43

It is a slow, creaky, muddling process, this growing up and improving one’s self.

I take ten steps forward, and then (what seems to me) a giant leap back; and start again.

I spend ten days learning how to observe rather than react, and five minutes with my mother has me acting like a sixteen-year-old again. And then disappointment hits—why haven’t I gotten this yet?

I’ve written about the transformative process before. I don’t think I’m the only one that still craves a snappy life makeover—to wake up in the morning and have my quick-to-snap, weary self replaced by a shinier, more patient and gentler creature.

The truth is, the journey is (for me, at least) the beautiful part.

Remembering that—forgiving, accepting and loving myself every single day, and by extension being kinder, gentler and more considerate to those around me—is a lifelong business.

And slowly and steadily, if a bit jerkily, I improve.

So today, I am reminding myself of this; living by this mantra: enjoy the process.

Enjoy the process—the slow awakening to beautiful moments; the gradual shift from ego to aware.

Every moment is another chance to change. Every moment is another chance to catch an old habit, to be kind and compassionate to others or self, to open our eyes to the magical universe unfolding as it should around us.

Every second is another do-over. Another restart. Another chance to get out of bed on the right side.

In the midst of moving, unpacking, cleaning and trying to finish two online university classes today, I found myself crabby, anxious, snapping at my son when he demanded a drink, bewildered by the tasks that loomed ahead of me.

I started over. 

We made chocolate chip cookies and sat outside in the sunlight to eat the first two, together. We talked, quietly; made plans to paint Liam’s new room; admired all the work we had already done. I remembered what was important: not the finished result, not the future that we never get to—now.

This single moment; this hour; this second. Today.

I was reminded of a favorite quote by Whitman, and stuck it to my fridge as a reminder.

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”   ~ Walt Whitman

Enjoy the process, friends. It’s all we have.


Relephant Read

I will not Wait to Die to Begin to Live.


Author: Keeley Milne

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Author’s own. 

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