I love you. You may not understand it, but I trust that you will.

It isn’t that I’m leaving you behind, but in some way I am. I have to. It is all in the name of love.

But you think you know the ways of love so you say, “No! That can’t be love. Love wouldn’t make you do that.”

But it is love.

And whether you trust it or not is not up to me. But it will make your journey easier if you do. It is not that I am abandoning you, but in some way I am. It is in the name of love.

Perhaps you think that I am blaming love but I am not.

Only you would think that way because you deem it wrong to do the things I do and say the things I say. But if you could see that there is no such thing as wrong, you would see that no one needed to be blamed. Not you. Not me. Not love.

I am not leaving you as a way to punish you, because in a way you have punished yourself already by thinking so.

I am only taking responsibility for myself. That is all I can do. It is all anyone can do if we look closely enough. But that can be hard to accept. Because that means no one else is responsible for us.

And that may seem harsh.

But it isn’t. It is a simple reality that is better accepted than fought. You can fight. I choose not to. I surrender to love. In this world of dualities and opposition, I have come to see where it all merges and where there is only peace and harmony. I have discovered the place where no opposition is contradictory and no paradox leads to conflict, and there I have decided to be. It is the only place I can be.

It is my decision and I do not require anyone’s approval but my own.

And that approval, which I hereby grant and gratefully accept, is my birthright—to be who I am and live as I am destined to live. This is the birthright we all share. Naturally you feel worried about what such a life means regarding the past and future since it regards neither.

It is normal that your head might struggle to wrap itself around the sort of life that living in accordance with love would bring.

Because such is the way of love and it does not ask to be understood before it acts. Love is spontaneous and there is no way of saying what this means tomorrow. Where I live, there is no such thing as tomorrow or yesterday.

The way I see it, there isn’t even a today.

Since I am not stuck between the past or the future, how is there even a today? There is just now. But now is hard to see fully when you limit yourself to see it only between two reference points—prior and post. This ruins the whole infinite nature of now. It isn’t infinite if you limit it. But you limit it as if your life depends on it.

The truth I have found is that it does not.

Maybe life the way it used to be relied on such time space constriction, but why should we hold on so tight to the way it used to be? I see no reason. Only fear. And fear is not reason enough. Fear is a hurdle that once you have cleared, you’ll realize is an illusion.

Now you look at me from the other side of fear, I see that it must seem real to you. But there is nothing standing between us. It is only through your lens that I have left you.

In my world, we are very much together—connected.

You may even think I am alone, but it is only your mind that sees this. I am far from alone. You ask me if I am lonely but these are your fears and not mine. I am not, and don’t know how I could ever be—lonely. I know it is only an illusion and I do not hold on because I know there is no thing to hold on to. I flow because I know no other way. I am because I am. I need not motivate my existence, because doing so would defeat the meaning of existence.

I am the Bright Soul, Great Spirit and Endless Universe and I am dying to live.

That is all I know and all I wish. Such are the ways of my being and such is all I desire to do— to be. I do not grieve death for I know living and dying is one. I am the entirety: the beginning and the end and only I know the ways of my life.

You may not always trust me but I trust myself.

I know not of your doubts. I know what I must know to go on living—if I so desire. And I do. I desire to live, I am living.

And at some point you too will finally understand why one must go through so much to get to where I am.

You will understand that I have never gone anywhere. I am here, experiencing this spectacle as you because I have chosen to. Because the alternative is a dark place, and I wish not to return there. I’ve seen the light, and discovered that I am the light.

As we only seem to part, I am unleashing the light to see it grow and allow it to flow.

And so this is what I am doing. Letting go and moving on. I am. Simply being. This is me. Take me as I am or fight me. I will not fight back. I couldn’t even if I tried.

I trust one day you’ll see.

 

Relephant:

A Place Where There’s no Space or Time

~

Author: Antonia Rothschild

Apprentice Editor: Jenny Wise/Editor: Travis May

Image: flickr/marcelometal