A while back, I wrote a letter to a former lover archetype I’ve tangoed with for many years.
This ambivalent lover showed up many times, in different iterations, with different stories and in different bodies, but his essence was always the same: he had one foot in the door and the other out of it. He was unavailable and always left me wanting, no, aching for more.
But if you believe, as I do, that lovers are mirrors, then there’s a different angle to be taken on this piece. While it may be tempting to cast responsibility for my heartache at my lover’s feet, I must acknowledge the role I played. If my lover is a mirror, and he is ambivalent or unavailable, then so too am I.
Armed with this awareness, I began to explore my own resistance to love, my own ways of hiding in plain sight and determining what it is that I truly want in a lover. Then I set out to become those things myself. Along the way, I’ve changed. Now, I’m ready to receive that which I’ve always deeply wanted. I am fully aware that what I send out into the world is also what I receive. I invite you to do the same and begin to call in exactly what you desire.
Dear Conscious Lover:
I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time. I’ve always hoped that you would come, and here you are. When you greet me, I know that you truly see me. You see the light of my soul reflected in my eyes, and it captures you in ways neither of us has experienced.
Your open heart and open arms inspire me. The way you truly make love to the world as you pass through it delights me. As your eyes light up when a butterfly lands on your shoulder, I see how much pleasure you find in all of life. You greet small children and animals with the same awe and reverence you take into your prayer time. The world truly is a sacred place to you, and I love that about you.
Our time together is spiritual, transcendent and blissful, but remains grounded. Your ability to hold my emotions and ride my waves is exquisite. You love that I am able to be strong and forceful, yet gentle and playful. Despite both of us having been wounded in the past, neither of us carries the baggage of the past into the present.
You are romantic, but you are not foolish. You guide our relationship at a pace that feels perfect—there is no madness and no rush. The passion is all-consuming, but you keep your feet on the ground. We don’t fall in love—we rise in love.
This is no fairy tale. We realize that our work on this planet includes shifting paradigms of loving relationships, transforming old consciousnesses and creating new ways of being. We realize that we have a larger purpose on this planet and that our relationship is an aspect of that purpose.
You have the heart of a warrior and the wisdom of a sage. You are as fierce as you are gentle and know which is needed and when. I am safe with you. You are safe with me.
Together, we rise. Come soon.
Author: Lisa Vallejos, PhD
Editor: Evan Yerburgh