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Every thread of “Truforgiveness” that you weave will bring you closer to the wholeness that you seek.
Author’s note: Forgiveness as the world teaches makes true the belief in separation, whereby one is the saint and the other a sinner. Truforgiveness teaches that the cause is never without, but always within, as Oneness is true, not separateness.
It seems like such a bold title, yet the truth is written inside my soul—for you see, almost a decade ago, I fell apart.
I was already bulging at the emotional seams for some time, even though my size zero body frame spoke otherwise. Each day I was masterfully holding everything together, then falling in bed at night with tears streaming down my face.
The pain within was breaking more than my back.
The load was heavy, but the chains seemed to be cutting into my heart—I was a prisoner of the past.
Finally, I cracked.
It was a case of acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
When I say acute, I mean seriously out-of-freakin’-control. I had been studying spirituality for almost a decade before my shell smashed, so it was quite surprising to me that my mind oscillated the way it did. The trauma swirled, grabbing hold of every cell of my body.
I could only stay in bed drugged up on medication and repeat “This is hideous!” Over and over again.
As day turned into night, night turned into day. The world kept moving, only I never did. I was forced into a spiritual retreat. I experienced intense suffering, each day a miracle that I was surviving the depths of the dark night of the soul, yet I was not aware of the transformative effects which would follow. I often prayed for release, for an escape from my life.
I wanted it to end. I cried and my body writhed in emotional and mental anguish.
“Let it end, God, please let it end!” This prayer came from deep within my being, for my test was too great for which I could stand.
I did receive a message one eerie night after an intense period of punishment. “Forgive and you will heal,” my mind spoke.
The demons of darkness had stolen me and I was lost in a menacing forest, with what seemed like I was being coerced into death. Yet a silent and still presence seemed to be watching out for me, never letting me take my last breath.
After tossing over those five fateful words, I figured I had nothing more to lose. I started to professionally practice forgiveness, it became my job and it was to become my life. I had forgiven events in the past, at a different time, but now I was ready to climb out of the pit of despair and back into the land of the living.
Could forgiveness save me? I wasn’t sure. As it turned out, it was not forgiveness that saved me, but Truforgiveness. Truforgiveness is different to the way the ego teaches forgiveness, which makes true the belief that something outside of you can hurt you. Forgiveness—as the world knows—seeks the belief in separation, which is the true cause of every complaint we move through. Truforgiveness is when you forgive within, not merely without and to forgive at the cause—the misperception you are separate from Source.
At around the five-year mark, I did find release. After daily tears that flooded my bed, and after I had cried a river of pain as I lay bound and alone, something broke. Truforgiveness flooded through. There was no longer any separation to those that I was accusing of harming me, for I found the truth of Oneness.
It wasn’t coerced—it came from the depths of my being. I found the innocence within, for those that I was holding my sword to their throat. I gave up the fight. I cried out in truth with as much vigour as I could muster, “God, they are innocent, I am innocent, I forgive. I truly forgive. I don’t care. I let it go. I don’t care. I forgive!”
My true healing was ready to begin, but life didn’t just suddenly start anew—I was only beginning the ascent out of my valley of darkness.
But with each opportunity of Truforgiveness, I climbed up further. My addictions healed and my eating was incredibly restored to balance and order. The medication was taken away, my mood lightened and the trauma released.
I developed a passion for yoga and self-care, something I couldn’t give to myself prior to the illness, for the self-hatred was too great.
My ego-mind had cracked open—an awakening of sorts. This made way for my true self of unconditional love to begin to shine through. What was seen as a burden had been restored into a blessing! Truforgiveness has weaved its magic spell over my life, turning my broken-down existence into a work of inspiration.
I have discovered, that love is within and that is all I need. I have found wholeness that I never knew existed but had always craved.
I thought I offered the forgiveness for someone else, yet now I know: Truforgiveness was there to set me free, unchaining me from the past. Truforgiveness has changed my life, it has healed me, but most of all, it has put me on the right path in life. Before it, I was trying to tread the corporate ladder—now I’ve reclaimed my wings and ready to teach others the spiritual truths in life. I’m finally ready to fly.
I would love to share the miracle of Truforgiveness (forgiving within, not merely within), for it has single-handedly saved and transformed me. It is more than I could have ever wanted, and it’s the only gift worthy of giving, for it is a reflection of the purity of Heaven, it is unconditional love, Heaven-sent.
It is the gift that is for-giving.
Note: Truforgiveness is when you withdraw the projection of blame that you cast upon another and undo the shadows of suffering that make the dream in time dark instead of delightful. It is also the type of Forgiveness that is spoken of in A Course in Miracles but was not explained how to do.
Editor: Renée Picard
Photo by: Helga Weber