3.6
September 12, 2015

Will You Still Love Me When I am a B*tch? {Adult}

relationship

“Someone who truly loves you will see what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle at times—but still wants and chooses you anyway.” ~ Unknown               

Will you still love me when I am due for my period and lashing out irrationally just because I am frustrated with the world?

Even if that person is you?

Will you let me fume silently, and be there once I am become human again?

Or will the sight of my realness and my boiling over emotions make you take flight?

Will you still love me when I am down? Those days when I have not triumphed in this life, and instead feel like I am fighting against the world, another day of chasing my dreams.

Or will you leave, and let me fight by myself?

Will you still love me when you find me crying by myself for no reason? Simply because my ghosts caught up with me, and sometimes, the heartbreak of life makes me feel overwhelmed.

Or will you become uncomfortable with the sight of my tears and pretend you don’t notice?

Will you still love me when I am being difficult on purpose? When I am choosing not to do something that everyone else is—just because I don’t want to?

Or will you shake your head at me, and wish that I was like everyone else?

Will you still love me when I’ve caught some horrible stomach bug and I spend the night on the bathroom floor?

Or will you close the door so my sounds of being sick won’t keep you awake?

Will you still love me when I make a mess out of a new recipe and we are left to order pizza?

Or will you tell me all of the things that I did wrong and remind me of how horribly I messed it up?

Will you still love me when I am lazy and don’t feel like doing anything more than lying around in your shirt reading and passing the time?

Or will you become frustrated that the laundry needs to be folded while I am just relaxing instead?

Because the truth—this is what love is.

It is not falling head first into a fantasy, but instead making the conscious choice to fall in love with the humanity of another.

And while, I ask if you will love me when I am a b*tch, or sick, or crying for no reason—I am also asking you if you will love me when everything is wonderful.

The reality of those surreal moments between us that have you pinching yourself because it’s hard to believe that this is actually your life—because sometimes the sweet is harder to take than the sour.

I can’t promise you that I am going to make you mad every day—because we both know that is impossible. I can’t say that I will lie to you—because that would be the biggest lie I could tell.

And, we both know that I can’t promise that I will break your heart—because if I did, it would break mine too.

And so, I am asking you—will you still love me?

Will you still love me when I surprise you by joining you in the shower?

Or will you be upset because I might make you run late?

Will you still love me when you come home unexpectedly to me in lingerie and the smell of delicious food coming from the kitchen?

Or will you become irritated because you made plans with your friends?

Will you still love me when I can comfort you after a hard day?

Or will you see your vulnerability as a fault, and never really let me in?

Will you still love me when I make your heart pound?

Or will you shake it off, and keep your cape of nonchalance tied tight around your heart?

Will you still love me when you find it hard to believe in love?

Or will you take the easy way out?

I am not seeking perfection—but merely the real of someone who meshes with me. Someone who knows that despite the façade I show to the world, I am as scared and vulnerable as they come—and the thing that terrifies me the most is saying that I want something I am scared I’ll never really have.

Love.

Because I have done this dance before, but it was completely different—and I had my heart broken, not by a man, but by the disillusionment that crept in once I realized that I had married everything I said I never wanted.

But, now I know what I want.

I know that my life will be a mix of the millions parts of my heart—the traditional, the conventional, the rebel, the muse, the dreamer, the bada$$ woman—and even the scared little girl.

Because now I know that I simply want it all.

I want freedom and roots.

I want a man to be my backbone when I need strength and a rebel with a cause when I just want to make trouble.

Someone who can see that I need help—but will let me do it on my own when the time is right.

A man who knows that I need his comfort as much as his passion—while we could stay up all night practicing the different ways to make each other gasp, sometimes I need him to simply just be there—with his arm around me and his hand on my heart.

Someone who knows to remind me that it’s getting late—but who will also stay up with me to chase each other under the stars.

A man to grow old with—but yet never loosing our passion for youth, the blazing heat that we have for each other and a lifetime of adventures.

Maybe I do want it all—but the thing is—I am crazy enough to believe that I can actually get it.

I am crazy enough to believe in love.

~

Relephant bonus:

Relephant read:

I Want all of You. {Adult}

~

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/Maggie Winters

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