As women we all remember the first time when we finally, or surprisingly, or overwhelmingly, or clumsily, realized to have our period for the first time in our lives.
I was 14 and one of the last girls in class, already wondering if there was something wrong with me. From that moment on I struggled with monthly cramps, moodiness, facial spot-disasters and insecurities about how the hell to handle that sanitary tampon. One other annoying side effect was the irregularity of my cycle, never exactly knowing when that period thing would show up this month.
One day I decided to take the pill. I felt more mature than ever before, was able to control and even to postpone “that time of the month” to another time of the month. Saying yes to the pill included getting rid of the facial spots but gaining 3.5 pounds of body weight.
As time went by and as I felt more mature from the inside out, I stopped taking the pill. I had explored that wild, unpredictable and pure womanhood inside me and I didn’t want to control my body anymore by taking that little tablet every day. And as I did, I didn’t only get back the unexpectedness, but also that emotional rollercoaster, stronger and crazier than ever before. But I didn’t care, I wanted to be free and be me, with every emotional outburst it might include.
A few years later, when I was 25, I felt the need to change my life. So I quit my job and left the country for a few months. As I exercised more, lost weight, changed my diet and lived the hang loose-style, I somehow also chased my menstruation away. And even when I moved back home, “that time of the month” didn’t show up for half a year and, for the first time, I started to think about womanhood and my period consciously. And I learned to change that hate-relationship in a love-relationship. As one day my menstruation finally came back, I started to celebrate my body every month, with every first day of my period. Throughout the last few years I got to know my body better with every cycle, and I learned to go with its own, unique flow:
A slight pull in my lower abdomen gives me a little hint when it’s about two weeks off, so I can prepare for my moodiness and take my yoga practice a bit slower.
I am taking myself serious when the moodiness kicks in. When I started doing this, I realized that all those emotions that are brought up to light close before my period starts are huge topics that my body wants to share with me. It feels like my body and my emotional system are working through one important topic with every cycle in order for it to be solved and healed.
On celebration day, when my period finally starts, it’s also the moment of finally letting go of whatever emotions had been there the days before. With every hour, every day, my body relieves the weight and wobbliness in my abdomen and I feel lighter and lighter.
I give myself time and space for cosy couch-sessions, tea and hang loose-style.
Getting closer to the end of my period, I’m getting back my inner strength. With every cycle, I’m getting more conscious about my emotional and my physical body. I learn to have faith in myself.
On the first day after “those days”, I step on the yoga mat with all my power, enjoying a challenging practice, pushing myself, learning, feeling strong and brave.
Every first day of my period, I celebrate my healthy body; I celebrate being able to have children; I celebrate myself for who I am and for being a women. I celebrate the beauty of being a woman and living with my own moon cycle inside me, given as a gift from Mother Nature to all of us beautiful soul sisters.
Author: Marlene Wallner
Editor: Caroline Beaton