First of all, we are the author of our love story.
So what kind of character do we want to be?
It feels a little over-worn to say, “So, I have to love myself first.” Duh. And not loving ourselves seems to come before ever knowing how.
For instance, date some douchebags or gold-diggers a few times and eventually we will say, “Um, maybe get a job, don’t mooch off me or your mother, control your anger issues, clean up your side of the street (that is a metaphor), and stop doing drugs.” You know? Basic stuff like that.
An unattended garden will grow weeds (that is also a metaphor). In other words, if we don’t set our standards, and let desperation or what everyone else is doing derail us, divorce may be the inevitable result of our marriage (if we ever get there).
So, let’s keep this short and sweet.
Do you want to get married?
Why? When? And to who?
What are your goals for how the relationship will support both you and your spouse?
Are you willing to date a lot or a little?
Can you say no and mean it?
Are you waiting to be rescued? Be honest.
Here is a basic trick to having the experiences we want to have.
Set our focus point and take relentless actions in the direction of our commitments. At no point in our life is sub-par going to be good enough.
For instance, if we focus on getting a job that will pay the bills—almost—it won’t be enough. Further, if our focus is on just paying the bills, then our actions will follow. When we apply that to getting married, if we say, “Oh, I will just sleep with him on the first date and see where it goes.” Where do you think our focus is? On the long-term or the short-term?
Wait for it. No, seriously, wait for it!
I mean, by all means go f*ck some randos. See how that works out.
If we want to marry someone we have to talk to them with our mouth and body. It takes both. One comes before the other.
Also, you are not the exception to the rule. Everyone has to work at getting, maintaining and sustaining a long-term committed relationship; especially when family is involved—the one you create or the one you inherit.
So, how do we find the person we are going to marry?
Live your life. Live it!
We live our lives by figuring it out along the way.
Sing it like a jingle, “I’m livin’ it, ya, to love it, ya, and marriage, maybe, or for sure, I don’t know for sure and I’m livin’ it, ya!”
I wish you everything you need to experience what you want.
Lastly, tell the person you are interested in what you want from your life. As in, “I like to be treated with respect.” And say it in a way that is more of a P.S.A. than an ultimatum. If they are into it, then build off of that. If not, move on.
And ask questions.
That is all for now.