October 21, 2015

When Did Being Single Become Such a Horrible Thing?

Satish Chavarlya


*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.


I have seen countless articles—more like how to guides—to finding the one…your soulmate.

Not to mention endless meditations on the topic.

These articles are read religiously by those looking for their perfect mate in hopes of curing their palpable loneliness that, sadly, overcomes them more often than they would prefer.

I’ve been single for close to four years now.

If you are anything like the men I have been on dates with within in the last year, your initial thought may have been something like, “Wow I wonder what is wrong with her?” or “I wonder how many cats this crazy lady owns?” I was not aware that there was this mystical line graph that indicated that the longer I am single, the crazier I must be. This is just the male side of things.

If I tell any female that I am a semi-successful single woman, I automatically become some sort threat to her relationships.

When did being single brand me with the red scarlet letter “A” across my chest?

With all of that being said, I must admit that being single has been one of greatest gifts that life could have given me. While I have learned countless things from my failed relationships, I have learned even more from being single:

>>> Being single, I have learned about my insurmountable inner strength.

>>> Being single, I have learned how much I am worth and what I deserve.

>>> Being single, I have learned what I want in a relationship and what I do not want.

>>> Being single, I have learned how to love myself more than I ever thought was possible, and I learned just how important that is.

>>> Being single has helped me find a happiness that has nothing to do with external influences. A happiness that has come from within is a happiness I know cannot be taken away.

>>> Being single, I have been able to see things I may not have seen with people I may not have been able to see them with.

>>> Being single gave me the opportunity to take a deep look at myself to discover what keeps me going, and what tears me apart.

>>> Being single has helped me to say “No” to the things I do not want to do, and let go of things that no longer serve me.

>>> Being single transforms my life for the better every single day.

Maybe the amount of time I am single should not dictate how crazy I am, but should dictate how much have grown.

The magical thing about being single is that you become less concerned with attachment and more concerned with your authentic happiness and the happiness of others. Vulnerability becomes a little less scary, and a little more powerful. I no longer feel the need to apologize for who I am, and now I really would not want to. My self-confidence has improved significantly and it is not the product of anyone or anything that is outside of me.

I do not even recognize the girl I was four years ago.

Not only do I give gratitude to the men who catapulted me into the single life, but I give much gratitude to this period of my life in which I have gotten to know myself at such a deep level.

I’m not here to scream an anthem of being a Goddess/Warrior. I’m just here to say be grateful to be single, be proud that you are single, and most importantly enjoy it!

While some days are lonely know that you are not alone.

This journey is truly a magical and transformational journey.



Relephant read:

It’s OK to Be Single and Enjoy It.

Author: Brittany Rucka

Apprentice Editor: Lois Person / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Image: Pixoto/Satish Chavarlya

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