There is a massive distance between who I want to be and who I am.
I’m self conscious about exposing my voice. Every time I send in an article or a poem I instantly regret it.
Because I’m so damn fearful.
Success freaks me out, because it makes me question my worth.
Do I really deserve this?
Can I really earn a living doing what I love?
So I didn’t. I stopped and resumed life on autopilot.
I went thought the daily motions of life, having completely missed the actual living of it.
Creating my own life and career by doing what I love isn’t understood by some.
Unique thoughts aren’t accepted.
I tremble at the thought of having power.
It’s like standing at the edge of a beautiful cliff, in the midst of the mountains—we are the creators of our paradise and all we have to do is jump off the damn cliff.
But I can’t.
Success paralyzes me. My legs shake, my chest tightens and I can’t move.
I’ve had many ideas, great ideas. I likely could be writing a book or running my own business by now.
But I’m not.
Because I’ve frozen in the face of fear. I couldn’t jump. Instead I stand at the top of the cliff and watch paradise wither away into someone else’s oasis.
So I move on, find new magical ideas, even more magnificent then the ones before.
But again. There I stand frozen.
It’s not all my fault. I was conditioned and programmed to be this way.
I became the master of creating carbon copies. I never thought it was okay to add my own spice, I didn’t think people would accept it, or me.
I behaved, because I was afraid to dare greatly.
So then one day I woke up and said f*ck it. I booked myself a cozy one way ticket to South East Asia. It was the furthest place from home, known for its culture shock, mysterious foods and relatively chaotic way of living.
I sat cramped up in economy class for 34 hours with the cheesiest grin on my face. I felt like a child at an unsupervised birthday party, deviously stealing three pieces of ice-cream cake and stuffing my face in the closet.
I flew. And safely landed in paradise, far more stunning than any of my wildest dreams.
I’m not currently creating a business or writing a book, but I took a step towards building the courage to take bigger risks, greater leaps.
I’m not creating the next iPhone generation, I’m taking time to explore myself, and I couldn’t be more joyous.
Because, taking risks and defying social norms to create, explore and grow is worth the fear.
If I can give you any advice, it would be this: Jump off the damn cliff.
Because you are worth it.
And if you don’t, you’ll spend your whole life standing at the top of the cliff wondering what lies below.
Stop wondering and start wandering.
Author: Kara Bezuko
Editor: Travis May
Images: Flickr/Motoki Plasticboystudios