November 19, 2015

I Hope it Takes Forever to Love You.


I hope it takes forever to love you.

There was a time when I wanted my relationships to move at lightning speed.

I wanted to go on adorable and well-thought-out weekly dates, to skip forward to the first kiss, to hear “I love you,” to introduce him to all of my friends, my family, my dog—and even take him to work.

I wanted to run down the street and scream at the top of my lungs that I was with him. I wanted to get the entire world involved in our relationship. I wanted to move in together, move forward and move quickly.

It’s clear to me that I was trying to get somewhere with all of this. Maybe to the end?

I’m not sure.

But now that I have found you, I want the opposite.

I want what we have to move slowly.

I want us to go days without seeing each other and hours without speaking. I want my heart to ache and to miss you. I want to wonder where you are and what you are doing, because it’s you, and your life is like a beautiful mesh of wonder and excitement that I can slowly begin to unravel and piece together in my own time.

I want the hours we spend together to be a continuous mystery of questions and answers.

I want to feel like I could spend forever learning about you, because we are in no rush, and because who you are today isn’t who you’ll be next week, next year or even tomorrow. I want to make love to you on some evenings and go home to my own bed on others. I want to cuddle and kiss and giggle over nothing.

I want the intensity and the seriousness of our relationship to come from the raw fact that we know this is isn’t forever. It’s only right now.

If we fight, I want to us to create the space we both need to be on our own. I will always trust that our interactions are an opportunity for me to look within, and when you do something to upset me, I will see it as a chance to explore my inner self. I never want to talk about the future or promise things that neither of us can commit to.

Instead, I will allow each moment to unfold before us as if it were a bonus or a surprise that we never expected—but one that we are so grateful for.

I want to feel whole with you but trust that I am my own complete individual and that together we can combine our messy selves to create something that just might be slightly more exciting and beautiful. I want to be your friend. I want us to have our differences and to never stop wondering, questioning and moving forward.

I want you to tell me that you love me, but in a way, I hope you never do.

I hope it takes forever to love you.


Relephant reads:

Let Love in Slowly.


Author: Amanda Kelly

Apprentice Editor: Taija Jackson / Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Luciano/Flickr


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