Although we are no longer together, you are with me in breath and song.
I still know you in the silent moments of the day and near water—always near water—near all that I can touch and feel but not hold onto.
My memory drifts to a moment we danced and warmth fills my body.
My tongue sharpens and I’m ready to whisper something wicked in your ear…that’s the thing—I used to lose all control when I was with you. Your love warmed my soul and allowed the good and bad to surface and overflow.
You allowed me to be whatever I needed to be, as long as I was with you.
Your presence was—is—all consuming, all engulfing, something from which I cannot escape. Whether taking quick strides or smooth strokes, I’m still left breathless in the end.
In the hours I sleep, you seep into my dreams and I see you content, yet far away, living a life foreign to my own. But just seeing you there, woven into the obscurities of my dreams, I feel peace. I know you are close and that inspires me to create one more day.
You inspire me to open my eyes once again and find you somewhere in my dance.
Somewhere in my words and when dusk falls over me, I know I will meet you there in the darkness.
You are in my art. You give me the subtle push that keeps me going.
You are deep-rooted faith even in my craziest projects. Everywhere I felt your love and you showed me—even when I was unsure—your undying belief in my potential.
Near or far, the love you gave me carries me throughout the day.
My longing tells me that I’d like to hold your hand and see you smile and bring you closer and take in your scent. I’d like to rise and fall with your breath and memorize your body that has changed with time and gravity.
The longing wanes and I am left with desire.
Desire for one last encounter, one last look in your eyes. A moment with you that I will carry with me on my journey until the very end.
Desire to know you again.
Desire to listen, because in listening I saw the reflection of my life in your eyes.
Until we meet again, I am here and just having known you brings me comfort. Just knowing there is a person with your name and your voice and your heart and your madness and your desire and your anger on earth at the same time as me—that is miraculously divine.
Author: Ashley Martinez
Editor: Renée Picard
Image: Andrea Rose/Flickr