December 23, 2015

An Apology Letter from a Single Mom to her Children on Christmas.


“I didn’t set out to be a single parent. I set out to be the best parent I can be and that hasn’t changed.” ~ Unknown

To my beautiful children, today and always—there is something that I would like to tell you,

I know that you only see all that is shining and glittering this time of year and for that I am thankful.

But, there is something else that I need to tell you before you get any older—I am sorry.

I am sorry that I can’t give you the one thing that you need—a man in your life who shows up every single day, no matter what.

The kind of man whose unconditional love, time and attention won’t ever be something that is questioned.

A man who is as warm as the bright sun and as constant as the moon.

I didn’t mean to be a single parent—or a modern day rendition of superwoman.

But I am.

I wanted the fairytale, and I thought I had married prince charming.

I thought that my life would be complete—but I was wrong.

At first it was so difficult when our world fell apart because I was thrown into the role of being a stronger woman than I was at the time.

I had the choice to fail or to rise to the challenge—-but there was never a question of which I would choose.

As I held you both close and felt your infectious laughter I knew I had only one option—to become the woman and mother who you needed me to be.

It wasn’t always easy and in the darkness of a quiet house, I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion.

But, I never gave up.

I never wanted to be a single parent—I didn’t aspire to do it all alone.

Sometimes though life just doesn’t go the way we anticipated, and although we can spend time fighting against it and wanting to push our own agenda, in the end, nothing can stop life from happening.

I know that I have become the mother who you needed all along, but things are still not how I truly wish for my life to be.

It’s hard holding the weight of the world upon my shoulders.

Some days it seems impossible that I will be able to keep it up, yet somehow I always do.

You call me super momma.

But, it’s both of you who I think are pretty incredible.

I see your hopeful eyes and your amazing loving energy and I just know that you will transform the world.

I just wish that I could give you everything that you truly deserve, but the reality is, I can’t control life.

I can’t make choices for other people and I can’t fix everything.

The only thing I can do is the very best that I know how to do.

I can wake each day giving you kisses and saying good morning sweetheart.

I can pick up special treats for you as surprises and take you out for sundaes on Sunday.

I can chase you through the house and pretend to be sick when you want to play doctor.

I can show you the big dipper and sing to you stories of generations gone by.

I can make your favorite meals and surprise you with picnics and indoor camping.

I can sing you, “we are going on a bear hunt” as we splash and play in the tub together.

I can simply love you more every day.

I can put you to bed each evening—warm, safe, loved and secure, knowing that no matter what tomorrow may bring, I will be your constant.

I will be your sun and your moon too.

And maybe my dreams will come true someday—and I’ll get to share you with a man who will love you almost as much as I do.

Because the reality is—even momma needs someone to take care of her.

But the truth of it is, we are the ultimate bundle.

The package deal.

Any man who comes into our lives will never just date me, because even when you may not be by my side, your fingerprints are still on my heart.

I don’t want anyone in our lives who doesn’t see how amazing it is that you both are part of the deal.

Because we don’t need anyone else in our lives who treats us like an option.

I may have made mistakes in this life and I never profess to be perfect or to know it all.

But I love like no other.

And there isn’t anything in this world that I wouldn’t do for either of you.

So while I am sorry that I can’t give you everything that I know you deserve—I am thankful that I can offer you all that you do need.

I am thankful that tomorrow morning I get to wake up and have two loves of my life jump into bed with me.

I am thankful for the way your warm bodies will snuggle up against me and wish me Merry Christmas.

Because no matter what life has thrown at us, or how bumpy the road has gotten—the one thing I am always most thankful for is that I am your mother.

And I love you, forever and always—to the moon and back again.

“In the end I am the only one who can give my children a happy mother who loves life.” ~ J.W. Baadsgaard


Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/Plaisanter

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