January 4, 2016

How Understanding Crushes could be Key to Healthy Relationships.

Crush Picture

Crushes lift you high, then drop you.


There are three elements to every crush and without understanding these three aspects crushes are precarious—they thrill you, scare you and inspire you like walking the edge of a cliff.

Understanding the three elements, and balancing them, will help crushes lead you through a romantic doorway into deeper love, a foreshadowing of unconditional, hot love to come.

Three elements of a crush

The three elements are body, mind and spirit. Each of these deserves attention, and when they get it you are more likely to flow from a crush to rising, not falling, in love.

Lets explore the three elements.


A crush opens your heart, it makes you feel like all is well in the world and you are several years younger than your driver’s license suggests. In the initial stages of a crush your skin catches fire at the tinniest touch and your loins are fair game.

You want sex all the time, but don’t really need it, because you are already completely and utterly fulfilled.

Body crushes are down and dirty: they fire you up from head to heel. You want to reach out and touch and be touched. You want to make love all night long and when your lover speaks its music to your ears.

The body element of a crush is the easiest to identify.

You don’t have to write a sonnet, as you might during a spiritual crush, you don’t have to figure out your love, as a mental crush must—you just have to feel.

Hot, embodied experience of each moment is the rule when you are under the influence of the physical element, the body element of a crush.

If you attend only to your body during a crush you are likely to experience more lust than love. But including your mind expands the experience of love.


Even during a crush your mind is busy thinking. And this is where the love formula comes in.

During a crush you think of your lover much more often than you do of yourself. You get a vacation from thinking about yourself. Your worries evaporate.

You picture them with you splashing in a lake, on the top of a mountain, in the laundry room or lips super glued together in endless embrace.

You associate by totally feeling every positive memory and wonderful future for the two of you. You dissociate, push away, all negative sensations or experiences.

When I ponder a mental crush I imagine Bob Dylan’s song Just Like a Woman. He is singing about a woman, and loves her as much as his thoughts dare realizing that she, and he, are a mix of perfection and imperfection—that she is just like a woman and he is just like a man.

He keeps her at a mentally acceptable distance, which isn’t very close. He thinks about her more when he isn’t with her and takes her for granted when she is around: minds do that.

Minds, by their nature, want what they don’t have. And minds are necessary but not even close to sufficient to maintain a crush. But minds love filling absence with love, and that is one of the three necessary elements for an enduring crush.

During a crush is one of the only times that mind and spirit are on speaking terms. And when mind opens to spirit a crush expands into big love.


We came to Earth to have a mundane experience: to climb trees, earn money and dust.

But a crush touches spirit, invites us into the big picture, where all is love and everything is worshipful.

You, like Voltaire, are consumed by the thinness of your woman’s dainty wrist or the strong forearms and muscular shoulders of your man.

You experience being god in the spirit element of a crush, unconditionally loving someone/everything.

You worship your lovers hand, or arm or foot, tone of voice or deep blue eyes.

Everything he/she does, is or might be is absolutely perfect. A mole is matchless, the shape of an ear angelic, the tone of a voice a symphony.

This may sound a bit like a fetish, but it isn’t. A spiritual crush is a high calling while a fetish is a low one. The body part, or beloved is holy in this element of a crush. Reverence isn’t earned, it is freely given.

As certain as your clothes coming off during the body element of a crush for the spiritual element they stay on. It isn’t about action but reaction to the highest calling to worship another.

You become the romantic king/queen of the jungle

Tarzan became famous for swinging from vine to vine.

You swing from crush to crush.

Tarzan was the king of the jungle.

You are the king/queen of crushes: the king/queen of romance.

Discovering the three elements of crushes unifies your love. It gives you conscious access to so many crushes you will never deny yourself love again.

It can also be the key to sustaining a crush, meshing it with requited love.

Crushes offer you what you always wanted, someone who delights in you, loves you, worships you and wants you as you are.

You don’t need to dress up or down for them: they are already there loving you when you wake up in the morning and still loving you when you curl up in bed at night.

If they are out of town they don’t want to be and they think of you and phone offering you a transfusion of their love until you can be in each other’s bed/arms again.

But historically crushes die brutal deaths: we all know that.

They don’t have to though, not if you understand, and include all three elements of crushes, because when you really know the anatomy of a crush you discover that having a crush isn’t having some thing: it is access to the unconditional lover you are.

Anatomy of a crush

We have all had a toe curling bite of a profound cake or dessert.

Discovering the three elements of crushes is about learning how to create that dessert sensation without the calories or guilt. We were made to love like this, made to be consumed by the free exchange of love.

A crush begins with receiving an occasional compliment and then rising into a continual flow of approval.

A crush truly experienced is opening to all three elements: body, mind and spirit. And when you do that a crush is well and truly who you are.

Undiscovered crushes

Most crushes are born, live their short lives and die outside of attention, because you don’t understand the three elements.

Understanding the three elements of a crush has you discover many more crushes, and results in you noticing that you are always under the influence of crushes. After all, love is all around you, because you are the source of it.

A crush facilitates and inspires communication between the there elements of yourself: body mind and spirit: and those three together reveal that who you are is love.

Relephant Favorite:

How to Love Better: Mindfulness in Relationships.


Author: Jerry Stocking

Editor: Travis May

Image: Courtesy of Author

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