“They say ‘follow your heart’ but if your heart is in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?” ~ Unknown
Dear Heart, I am sorry but you have gotten it terribly wrong, and I have decided I will no longer be listening to you.
I understand that you want what you want, but the thing is—you have been determined to stay in situations with emotionally unavailable men so that you never actually had to experience real intimacy.
This is why I have decided that I can no longer trust you.
I’ve finally gotten wise to your game, Heart, and I know that you think it’s easier to sometimes stay in situations that won’t challenge our precious walls—but we will never have what we deserve if I keep playing according to your rules.
I have given up almost complete and utter control to you for years now, I have let you pull me in crazy directions and speak words so honest they could cut glass—but yet, we have still gone to bed alone each evening.
Neither of us are gluttons for punishment, and sometimes we are just too damn smart for our own good—especially when it comes to love.
It’s as if when our brain checks out, and I let you run things, you run them right into the ground.
But the thing is, Heart, you’re drunk and just need to go home now.
I let you take over, and the fact is you royally f*cked up a lot of sh*t—not just for me, but for other people too.
The love that we share with those who have caught our eye is nothing short of intoxicating, but by holding on when we should have let go, we hurt others and ourselves far more that we truly needed to.
There is no doubt that you love with an unrivaled intensity, but the truth is, I honestly don’t think you know what you are doing anymore.
I believe that we needed to experience each and every situation that we have over the past few years, but things are different now.
We are different—and not only that, but now we want different things.
I understand that we needed to heal after we were broken, and that we didn’t know ourselves well enough to know what we wanted, so we auditioned men to see if they could fill in the cracks.
The lesson that I know we both have learned is that we need time to learn to love one another again.
It wasn’t easy having our world rocked, and when we were left alone it was easier to dive into men who would provide the necessary drama, so we could be distracted from the real issues at hand.
But Heart—we aren’t a ping-pong ball, and we can’t keep bouncing back and forth between men, because we both know that it never truly works.
All of that is different now though, because I think you and I have finally made some peace, and we seem to be on the same side now.
We’ve not only healed, but come we’ve back even stronger—and now we know ourselves and our needs enough to be confident enough to state what we want upfront.
We are crazy enough to believe we can actually get it.
Because no matter what we think or say, if we don’t find the gumption to ask for exactly what it is that we want, then we will never get it.
We both know that you were so afraid of rejection that you settled for whatever morsels men tossed your way, but I know that you realize now—it just wasn’t enough.
Although you connect sex with love, it isn’t that way for everyone.
We both know that sex does not always mean intimacy.
The intimacy that we are seeking is the one that will bring chicken soup in bed when we are sick—the kind that will come from someone who wants to protect us and hold our dreams safe against his strong chest.
Sure, I know you still crave that spontaneous combustion from amazing sex—but since we are both being honest, you must admit—you also simply want more now.
So the thing is, Heart, while I have loved letting you take the reins and teach us all sorts of lessons in the hardest way we possibly could—the time has come to let our brain step in and share some of the workload.
Before our grandmother passed, she told us to fall in love—but to always take our brain with us.
And the truth is we haven’t.
We ignored the writing on the wall, and we believed that when these men told us they couldn’t show up for us, it wasn’t that they never could, but rather—it just that it’d have to happen in their own time.
So we waited–-and waited—until all we had left to show for it was tear-soaked pillows and a mountain of unfulfilled romantic interludes that only left us wanting more.
You did a great job at helping me find myself, and even though I’ve experienced heartbreak over these past few years, I know that it needed to be that way, because we had to go through everything we did in order to arrive here and now.
We have let down our walls and have admitted that—despite everything—we’ve been scared all along to really let anyone in, because we’ve never had someone choose to stay.
I know that it’s hard taking the risk, but I also know that we are ready to.
That is why I need you step aside for a bit, Heart, and let our brain take over—it’s not that I don’t want to follow wherever you feel pulled, but this time we also need to think things through.
Our brain is just as necessary at finding love as you are, my dear Heart—so this next time, as we begin talking to a man, let’s let our head have a say in the matter too.
Because we’ve made enough mistakes, and this time—we are after a success.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina