These days, it’s easy to have a relationship with someone who you think you have a future with—only to find out that it is really a dead-end romance. Quite often the discovery you make is that the other person is emotionally unavailable or just commitment-phobic.
People can be unavailable for serious love relationships for both healthy and unhealthy reasons. They may have suffered through a troubled childhood experience that has wounded them or they now have higher priorities such as their career or taking care of a sick parent. Perhaps, they are recently divorced or widowed, and legitimately not ready to get involved in an intimate relationship. Then, there are those who are too afraid of taking the risk of falling in love because they have been hurt too much in their previous relationships.
If you seem to meet too many people who are not serious about wanting to find a committed love relationship, I have good news for you. Most emotionally unavailable people are easy to spot, quite transparent, showing you their true colors right from the beginning.
So, if you’re currently dating someone and wondering whether or not they are candidates for a serious relationship, here are seven warning signs that you should pay attention to. By observing the other person’s behavior and actions, you are more likely to determine whether they are really available for a committed romance with you.
7 Warning Signs You Could Be Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Person
- A Real Charmer. Look out for the person who is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. Often these people “do” charming (as opposed to “being” charming) and are adept at communicating and appearing enthusiastic and enthralled. It’s a well-rehearsed act. Their focus is on short-term intimacy, appearing to be open, revealing and vulnerable. In reality they prefer the chase to the catch.
- What They Say. Often emotionally unavailable people will say, “I’m just not good at having a relationship,” or, “I don’t think I’m ready for marriage.” Believe them! In this case, they are not lying. But don’t fall into their trap: there is something terribly seductive about trying to be “the one” who turns them around. Don’t try. Accept their negative pronouncements. This may be the first and only time you’ll hear them speak the truth (as they know it).
- Watch Out for Perfectionists. Emotionally unavailable people tend to be perfectionists, always looking for the fatal flaw or character defect that gives them permission to exit a relationship and move on. In reality, they are debilitated by their own self-criticism and fear of being rejected. They are so frightened of intimacy that eventually they’ll find an excuse for leaving a relationship. (The booby prize is thinking that you’ll ever be good enough to meet their impossible standards.)
- Self-Centered Behavior. Beware of someone who operates the relationship as if it should revolve around them. These individuals set the agenda for a relationship, control it, and won’t be inconvenienced by having to modify their routine or the plans they’ve made. This type of emotionally unavailable person is commitment-phobic, and not relationship-oriented. They are inflexible and loathe having to compromise.
- Sexually Fast. Beware of a person who wants to become sexually familiar quickly. Often they are seducers just looking for another conquest. Or, if they are over-focused on sex it may be because they don’t feel they have anything else to offer. Once the relationship becomes too intimate, they’ll cut and run.
- Complains about Past Relationships. In a discussion about their past relationships, they will denigrate their former partners. Their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created. The failures of their unsuccessful partnerships are always based on the faults of their exes. They lack the maturity to take responsibility for their mistakes in their past relationships.
- Elusive Conduct. They seem to be available only when it’s convenient for them. Your requests for more time with them are met with excuses about how hard they’re working or how tired they feel. Even after a seemingly intimate weekend, they can disappear for long periods with no regular contact. Their actions are incongruent with their words. It’s easy for them to utter an, “I love you,” and then act in a way that is unloving.
If you notice that the person you’re in a relationship with exhibits several of these signs, it’s time to realistically evaluate whether your relationship has a future. If you think open communication can resolve the issues you notice—try to discuss and resolve them.
On the other hand, if you realize you’ve been fooling yourself or ignoring the “red flags” that have been there all along—don’t waste time trying to convert or change them. Just accept that they are not a fit for you. This will take discipline on your part, but it will save you from great emotional disappointment and allow you to be free to meet someone for a healthier relationship that has a future. The choice is yours.
Your horoscope can tell you a lot about whether or not you have a tendency to attract romances with unavailable partners. If you want to know how the planets in your Horoscope are affecting your relationships, go to the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date. And, if you’re curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope and what it says about your love relationships, and marriage prospects, as well as career, investments and health in 2016: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2016.
If you’re already in love and want to find out if you’re really compatible for marriage with another person, go to the FREE Love Compatibility Calculator and enter your birth date and theirs. And, if you want a customized report on your compatibility together, order Your Love Compatibility Report.
Author: Larry Schwimmer
Editor: Travis May