March 18, 2016

I Want to Say I Love You.

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I want to be able to say, “I love you!”

That’s it, that’s all I really wanted to say.

But I can’t. Or I don’t.

I want to be able to shout it from atop a d*mn mountain.

I want to be able to say it to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

I want to be able to say the phrase we’ve universally decided is appropriate to that warm bubbly feeling we feel deep inside.

I want to be able to say the one thing that comes the closest to all those inexplicable feelings I have.

I want to say I love you.

But, I feel like as a society, we act as if I love you is reserved only for those who we are deeply, madly in love with.

If this is the case, then why do I get that same feeling at so many other times?

Can’t “I love you” mean more than “I love you and only you, forever?”

Shouldn’t it be openly permissible to say?

After all, isn’t it a good thing to say?

So why can’t I say I love you?

Why does saying I love you feel like the most feared and socially unacceptable thing to say most of the time?

Yeah, how did that happen?

I thought love cured all. I thought love was the greatest gift of all. I thought we needed more love.

Yet, if I say ‘it’ to someone after only knowing them for a short time, my friends will argue that it is not actually love that I am feeling.

It’s like there is only one definition of love or it’s associated feelings. As if you can only use I love you in special circumstances.

So I ask again, do I have to be in love with someone to be able to to tell them that I love them?

If so, then why is it that sometimes when I encounter only a smidgen of someone’s being like their smile, their art, or their kindness, I get that same amazing feeling deep inside ?

Is that not love also?

It feels like it to me.

Why can’t I say I love you?

I want to say I love you.

Why did society teach me as a male to view saying “I love you” as weakness or as mushy, gushy girly stuff?

And how is it that a woman can casually tell me that she loves me, but, I, as a man cannot?

Yeah, why all that?

Why, when I am open in caring and sharing, do I still hold back in telling people I love them for fear that they might not well receive it?

How do we look at people weird for saying something so good?

I want to say I love you.

Are all those cliche ‘live, love, laugh’ home decor signs just bullsh*t?

I’m tired of being inauthentic to myself. I’m tired of holding back my feelings.

I want to say I love you.

So from now on I’m saying it, ok? I’m gonna f*cking do it and you can’t stop me.

From now I’m not going to stop myself from saying “I love you” . Because I do. And it really doesn’t matter why.

I want you to join me.

If you feel it say “I love you.”

“I love you!”


Author: General Parks

Apprentice Editor: Vanessa Majoribanks / Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: Angel Monsanto III/Unsplash

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