March 4, 2016

The Danger of Ignoring Intuition in Relationships.

Anna Flora do not Reuse

I have this feeling that deep down inside, we are afraid of finding our own truth.

Whether the truth in question manifests in words or actions related to love, life, or career choices, we usually know a lot more than what we give ourselves credit for.

Deep down, we already know the truth, and it’s not always pretty—rarely is it ever so.

When people ask me for advice, my initial reaction is to ask whether or not they have consulted their intuition for signposts of which direction to take. If you were to follow me around with a digital word cloud (just go with it), the question you would hear me asking the most of others is,“what does your gut say?

If I would have taken my own advice some time ago, I would have (err…should have) had the courage to not ignore the glaring red flags that were appearing in my life over and over again—for instance, in my relationship that led to marriage and eventually ended in divorce.

Quite early on in that relationship, I found myself in perplexing and uncomfortably intense disagreements, both internally and externally. As my relationship with my significant other grew alongside the one I had developed with his family, the dynamic that emerged was one that left me feeling like I lived in a constant power struggle.

Before this, I hadn’t been aware of how, for most of my adult life, I had an incessant need to justify everything to almost every human that crossed my path–-justify, explain, seek approval, prove my worthiness, over and over again. I had never truly grasped the problematic extent to which my needing to justify everything from my choice of job to my choice of dinner plate selections would prove to be detrimental to my voice and self-worth.

In the context of these uncomfortable discussions with his family, I gave up my power the moment that phrases like “Oh, whatever you think” or “I guess you’re right” escaped from my mouth.

How a strong, independent, and stubborn woman such as myself could give in like this baffles me to this day.

I went to my partner in the hopes that he would help mitigate this awful tension that had developed with his family. I was confident that he would understand why I was so deeply hurt by some of these dynamics. I figured that by sharing my heart with him about the situation, he would stand up for me.

Instead of support, he asked me to apologize, since to him, family was superior.

The apology that I sheepishly offered was met with an “I’m sorry you feel that way,” a phrase which left little room for mutual healing, or real forgiveness.

If you could have heard my feeling of internal anguish speaking, this what it was saying:

“At the core essence of my being, I feel that I am not wrong in this situation, and I am being made to feel guilty and awful. This does not feel right.”

Merely feeling the need to question a certain truth—be it ours or a partner’s (or friend’s or family member’s)—should cause us to pause and reflect on the situation (or relationship) before moving forward.

That very feeling is so important. That very feeling is our intuition.

For the next few years in my life, heated arguments and discussions would arise that left me with the same feelings at my core.

Each and every. Damn. Time.

It took me getting brave and seeking the help of a therapist (and other trusted relationship experts) to question whether I was being “too” emotional or irrational in my expectations of what love and support in a relationship should look like, or whether there was something to this whole “trust my glaring intuition that is kicking and screaming at me that this is wrong” thing.

As it turns out, I was right.

About 25 minutes into my first appointment, I breathed my biggest sigh of relief in almost two years when the therapist told me that I was not, in fact, crazy. Not at all. I needed to start trusting in the signs the universe was offering.

Listening to one’s intuition and embracing the truth about a situation tends to be the road less traveled, because it involves facing up to our own fears.

Here are some questions we can ask ourselves to tune into our intuition:

“What if this icky, low energy vibe that I’m feeling right now is an indication of this individual’s character?”

“Why does the thought of taking on this new role leave me with more questions than good feelings?”

“Why can’t I shake this feeling that he/she is not telling me the whole truth or is hiding something?”

It can also be as easy as:

“Why don’t I feel good/calm/myself in the presence of this person?”

If we take a deep breath, quiet our minds and allow our soul to speak, we will find that our soul already knows the truth—and the truth is, you might not like what your soul has to say!

But. As truth-seekers and mindful, authentic beings, we must embrace the courage to listen to our inner conscience.

Whether we call it intuition, whispers from the Universe, or the Holy Spirit, it has a message for us.

The trick is to be strong enough to just listen.

To quote a daring #TruthBomb from Danielle LaPorte:  “Your feelings are the sign you’ve been looking for.”

Bonus: Is introversion a myth?

Author: Anna Flora

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: via the author

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