May 7, 2016

Goodbye My Lover.


“Soulmates aren’t the ones who make you happiest, no. They’re instead the ones who make you feel the most. Burning edges and scars and stars. Old pains and pangs, captivation and beauty. Strain and shadows and worry and yearning. Sweetness and madness and dreamlike surrender. They hurl you into the abyss. They taste like hope.” ~ Victoria Erikson

I terrify you.

You think I’m a wild and out of control thorn in a lost, long forgotten garden that will never be tended to.

You think my ribcage is too wide open and my heart is too big—burning too fiercely, bleeding far too madly and too insanely erratic and unpredictable for you to understand.

You try to tame me with your ruthless pauses and your relentless silences. With your wry smile and your doubtful eyes that don’t quite want to believe what they see.

I am a mystery to you.

But you see. You just don’t understand.

And I don’t fully understand you.

You give just the tiniest tempting taste before retreating back to the dark lure that you call safety. You lock yourself away. You’d rather not know what this holds.

My heart is reckless with love. It is a messy, roaming, wanderer that knows no boundaries.

Your heart is intense too, but it is cautious and disciplined. It is contained in a magnificent, grand and secure chest.

I am a rebellious midnight hurricane dancing alone in the center of a chaotically graceful storm.

You are an enchantingly calm ocean. Untouched for the most part, though you’re edges crash and cause your madness to shatter along the shore.

You won’t look within me, yet neither will you look away.

I understand this. You unsettle me too.

We are both warrior-tough, but we still ignite one another’s insecurities. We cause one another to feel. We somehow unearth the most treacherous of feelings and invite in all of those vulnerable ones we would rather not excruciatingly feel.

I have tried to escape you—and you, I. I have wandered far. Yet, some cruel twist keeps causing us to collide.

We have waited, sometimes patiently and also impatiently to see if we can redefine this and somehow make it fit.

But, it just doesn’t make sense. We are maybe just too different, too unaligned.

I think this is the universe delivering one of its most bittersweet curses. To teach us how to accept that not everything we want is what we need.

We are damned in this chemically toxic adrenalin fused rush that whispers, “What if.”

We don’t know whether to furiously fight for it or frantically fly the hell away.

Oh, the curious, torturous scent of possibility. Drawing us in and then ripping our foolish raw hearts apart.

I don’t give up easily. I don’t like to quit. But I have tried and I have tried. I now see, that you are not ready for me, or for love. Not this kind. And so, although there is still so much that is unsaid, I know when it is tragically time to finally walk away.

It is time to burn this bridge and step fearlessly out on my own. Free from the ash and the addictive remnants of you.

“Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.” ~ James Blunt


Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/Andrea Rose

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