For most of my life, I believed that my happiness was dependent on the circumstances of my life—if they were as desired, I’d be happy; if they were not, I’d be unhappy.

That’s normal, right?

I think it is normal to live with that belief, as I did for so long. But while it may be normal, it is not right.

I now believe that happiness—at least true and lasting happiness—has nothing to do with having what I want. Having what we want brings us a fleeting moment of happiness. But when we’re truly happy, having what we want is a bonus and not the source of our happiness.

I’ve come to realize that inner states of being can be altered, without any change needing to take place on the external. However, that doesn’t stop me from desiring external changes in my life circumstances.

But I’ve also learned that the best way to help achieve external change (or improvement) is to focus first on the inner.

“Most people believe if they “have” a thing (more time, money, love—whatever), then they can finally “do” a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation, buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will allow them to “be” a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in love). In actuality, they are reversing the Be-Do-Have paradigm. In the universe as it really is (as opposed to how you think it is), “havingness” does not produce “beingness,” but the other way around.

First you “be” the thing called “happy” (or “knowing,” or “wise,” or “compassionate,” or whatever), then you start “doing” things from this place of beingness—and soon you discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you the things you’ve always wanted to “have.”

The way to set this creative process (and that’s what this is…the process of creation) into motion is to look at what it is you want to “have,” ask yourself what you think you would “be” if you “had” that, then go right straight to being.

In this way you reverse the way you’ve been using the Be-Do-Have paradigm—in actuality, set it right—and work with, rather than against, the creative power of the universe.” ~ Neale Donald Walshe

Before I first read those words, I lived according to the have-do-be paradigm—the “normal” logic. It wasn’t helpful.

It still isn’t, so I try my best now to remember to turn it on its head. The days I live according to this “illogical” way of thinking are always better.

As within, so without. To make anything better, we need to start with ourselves.

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Relephant:

How to be Happy, No Matter What.

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Author: Hilda Carroll

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Unsplash/James Garcia