May 16, 2016

I’m Tryin’ hard Not to Love You, but You don’t Make it Easy.

Sarah Zucca/Flickr

“You don’t just stop loving someone. You either always will, or you never did in the first place.” ~ Unknown

I know that I should get over you, that I ought to erase your name from my heart and forget all about the times you kissed me so sweetly, but you don’t make it easy darlin’.

There’s a time when love is inconvenient; when it’s not reciprocated and seems as if it’s nothing more than a punchline to a foolish joke played on an unsuspecting soul.

But no matter how irrational it seems, we can’t control who our hearts fall for—we can only influence what we do about it.

I used to believe that love was something to be embarrassed about, that unless it was shared within a mutual relationship it should be hidden, and not talked about.

But, now it’s completely different because my love for you is steady whether you decide to act upon it or not.

I love you because that is the only thing to do with a man like you.

I didn’t plan to fall in love with you, and I continue to try my damnedest to quit loving you—but you don’t make it easy on me.

I don’t say much about it because we both know that my heart is yours whether you want it or not, and in fact I am so used to living with my love for you, that in many ways it keeps me company since you can’t or maybe won’t.

The way I fell in love with you is differently than other loves. I didn’t fall in love with you because of how you make me feel, even though you affect me differently than anyone else ever has. Nor do I love you because of what you do for me—I simply love you for the man you are.

I love you for the kind person you are, and it brings a faint smile to my lips every time I hear someone thank you for doing something nice, because it only confirms that you are truly something special.

Each time my path crosses with another man I think that maybe this time he will be the one who will  make me forget you for good. But in all these years it hasn’t happened, and honestly all I can do is chuckle at the irony of life and how it seems to work out.

But no matter what I tell myself, it’s harder to stop loving you than it is to simply let those feelings live in my heart.

I have never known this kind of love before—I’m not anxious about it and I also don’t try to make you feel it as well—this love just is.

It lives, breathes and grows with each day—but it never imposes itself, giving ultimatums or revealing our secrets.

Loving you makes me breathe a bit easier, even if I still go to sleep alone each evening.

But, I don’t know how to un-love you.

Time is a fickle creature that either strengthens or weakens emotions and bonds, yet it never does what I expect.

Relationships that seem like they will stand the test of time often fall apart when we least suspect it. And individuals we never see coming, are somehow able to make a home in our hearts, that the strongest storms can’t destroy.

I love your spirit and good nature—the way you are more tender than most, with children, and your sense of ambition, strong enough to sustain you.

I have never loved someone for the person they are rather than the lover they were to me—not that I wouldn’t adore to have you in my bed this evening, my soft curves against yours.

But with you I feel something different now—for so long I only thought about my desire for you but never realized how much I appreciated your simple presence in this world.

I realize the difference between loving someone for who they are versus loving them for their ability to fit a role in our lives.

As most lessons, I have learned this secret the hard way.

Love isn’t something to fulfill a responsibility or to protect our image.

The kind of love that can’t be explained just grows like wild blue chicory along the backroads of summer.

No one may tend to it, or even see it—but it doesn’t mean that it’s not the most beautiful goddamn sight anyone’s ever seen.

And that’s precisely what my love for you is.

No one takes care of it making sure it will be there tomorrow, nor do most even know it’s there—yet there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s the most amazing sight.

Whether you choose to go there or not.

So I’m trying my best to not love you, but baby even my best isn’t good enough this time because you just don’t make it easy on me.


I don’t Want to Get Over You—that’s the Problem.

How to Fall Out of Love—If You Need To.

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/Sarah Zucca

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