Once upon a time, I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes to the world. I closed my eyes to the memories and fantasies. I closed my eyes to see.
As you might imagine, there was nothing there but darkness, or so I perceived. I fell deeper and deeper into the internal abyss. I surrendered to this journey and released the pain of the past and fear of the future. I allowed myself to fall away from all that I believe is me. The stories I told myself of limitations and prestige, the stories others told me, the stories I told others, all of it fell away like tattered cloth from an old coat—the detritus of the past.
I was stripped of everything, and then, only after I was truly naked, could I see it: a light, and in the light a barely visible figure appeared.
As I approached, the image resolved and I could see this being more clearly. It was made of the purest, most vibrant light that is impossible to describe. It danced with an enthusiasm that can only be described as what must be the source of all enthusiasm.
This being was not a man, nor was it a woman. This being was something beyond human, beyond anything capable of being conjured by any imagination used to the three dimensions and time we accept as reality. It danced across the void like fire in the dark. A sensually expressive dance that told a story, but more than that, defined Truth.
Up and down it bounced, in time to a melody that I could not hear at first, but that slowly began to emanate from all around me, and also, I was surprised to realize, from inside me. I moved closer. It spun and swirled, arms outstretched, head moving in rhythm to the melody—the tempo picked up pace. Ecstasy radiates, wonder permeates, and the mystery of creation flows in all directions. All of eternity the dance floor and all of existence the song.
I was mesmerized and felt myself drawing closer. I could see the being’s face. It was pulsing rapidly—so fast the shift was almost imperceptible—face-after-face: yours, mine, friends’, lovers’, parents’, brothers’, sisters’, cousins’, neighbors’, enemies’, strangers’, the faces of everyone who ever was or ever will be, pulsing and coming into focus for an infinitely small sliver of whatever time is and then disappearing. Every memory, every experience, every emotion, every victory, every defeat, every realization, every assumption, every lie, every truth, everything a life is to the very last drop, merged forever as lyrics into the melody. The dance went on, and the being began to spin with arms outstretched and, in that spin, it spawned countless numbers of Universes from its fingertips.
Each Universe full of galaxies, stars, mysteries, wonders, lovers, stories, discoveries, and everything else that can be in every possible way. As the Universes matured they flowed away from their creator and creative origin. Everything in each Universe contributing to the melody, the lyrics, the dance and the dancer until one by one their light faded like embers floating into a pitch black sky. They left no trace except for what was given to the dance.
And the dance went on. The being, spinning ever faster, raised its arms above its head, opened its mouth and unleashed a sound that was more than sound, it was emotion—every emotion. As the sound reverberated throughout Existence, the being opened its arms and light exploded in all directions. For a moment there was only light, there void was gone. Love collides and merges with Love, creation abounds, all that can be (and nothing cannot) is.
And the being continued its dance.
The rotation began to slow as the being’s arms drifted downwards. The void began to reappear, inching closer to the being. The light didn’t retreat; rather it was embraced by the void as a Lover embraces the Beloved. The being stopped moving and kneeled down, lowering its head, and bowing in reverence to the void that was engulfing it. The being breathed in deeply and as it did so it came to its knees arms outstretched and took in all of the void that it could. The light faded away completely.
But then…a glimmer and the faintest sound.
The light was dim and infinitely small, but it was definitely there. As this small particle of light came into resolution, I saw the dancer still dancing to the song. The dance never ended. I came to understand the dance never ends. It is as beginning-less as it is endless.
And so I danced.
Author: Reza Bavar
Image: Khalid Elbaz/Unsplash
Editors: Emily Bartran; Renée Picard