July 16, 2016

An Important Lesson on Boundaries from Sex Positive Communities.


“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”  ~ Brene Brown

Relationships are powerful, foundational pieces of our day to day lives.

They make up essential connections that we build our home around. In viewing the community and relationships we are surrounded by, we are given an opportunity to see the best and worst qualities in ourselves; they become a reflection of who we are.

The sex positive community is an excellent example of a group of individuals who are always striving toward developing clear communication skills. Within the community, people are celebrated for their non-traditional forms of relationships. They learn to set unique boundaries for themselves and those whom they connect with.

Over the last two years, I belonged to such a community and have been given the opportunity to develop new communication skills and learned the importance of setting and respecting others boundaries. Within these groups the understanding of consent amongst everyone is essential.

Relationships within the sex positive community are given the freedom to develop and change in whatever way they’d like; whether it’s platonically or through sexual exploration. The importance of boundaries, and the ability to verbalize those boundaries, is continually encouraged and discussed regularly.

I found that when we are clear about our personal limits we are able to create deeper relationships with the people around us. When we engage in the harder conversations, like the things we are uncomfortable with, it removes our fear of disappointing the ones we care about. It ensures that we do not make requests of them that will violate their boundaries and vice versa. We do this with care and awareness that our boundaries will change and so will theirs; awareness is key.

In our lives, boundaries ensure that we are consciously participating in our relationships. We must hold space for those around us and understand that we all have boundaries. This practice helps everyone grow, feel safe and supported. It allows us to be who we are and feel celebrated for it.

Don’t ever feel bad for setting boundaries and not engaging in situations that make you feel violated.

Your boundaries. Your permission. Always.


Relephant read:

Have Sex for Our Children.


Author: Clifford Henry

Image: Tjook/Flickr

Apprentice Editor: Cori Carlo; Editor: Catherine Monkman

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